I really didn't want to go to a fancy dress christening

but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I was chatting to a graphic designer about invitations for the baby’s christening.

“How about comic sans?” I said “Oh no” she scoffed, “for this occasion we’re gonna need a baptismal font”.

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

A Scottish couple, were getting their child christened

Halfway through, The minister glances at the father and says, 'Your daughter's name?'

The father whispered, “Spindona.”The minister thought the name a bit odd, but he went ahead and christened the baby Spindona.

As he did so, baby's mother burst into tears and the father furiously ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't Worry. The Tides Will Take Care of It.

Upon learning that the captain of the freighter that blocked the Suez Canal was ambivalent about the mess he created, the ship has been re-christened as the *No Fucks Ever Given.*

So, I hear Batman didn't turn up to the Christening ..

Christian Bale.

Two friends are having a chat in a bar.

Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?

Kristen: sure.

Christen: Thank you.

Kris: Anytime.

My Devil worshipping brother just got a new row boat...

He christened it Sail Hatin'

A baby was born...

A baby was born and during its christening, mutters “God bless Mummy, god bless Daddy, god bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa” and the next day the Grandpa suddenly dies.

A few weeks pass and the baby speaks up again, babbling “God bless Mummy, god bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma” and sure enough th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job interview

At a recent job interview:

"What's your name?"

"Dave Fucking Cunting Smith"

"Do you suffer from Tourette's Dave"

"No. But the Vicar at the Christening did."

Old Custom In Ireland

There is an old custom in Ireland, to bow the head briefly in prayer when saying “Jesus” - particularly when saying the line from the Ave Maria, or Hail Mary, that ends with “... the fruit of thy womb, Jesus”

In christening services, where babies are dedicated to the Church, parents and godpa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Week (NSFW)

It was John's first day on the ship and he was visibly excited. He had dreamed for years of being accepted into the Navy and now his dreams were coming true. His Commanding Officer welcomed him aboard and began to show him around the ship.

John learned where he would be eating, sleeping, and ...

Some pig!

I'm new here so I apologize if someone else has shared this one before, but here goes.

A couple have their pastor over for dinner on Sunday. He christened their baby a few months before, so they wanted to thank him with a nice dinner.

As they're finishing up, a pig with three legs walk...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck, wearing a hard hat, walks into a bar...

At 12 o'clock on the dot, a barman is surprised by the door of his pub being front-kicked open in an angry fashion...

In walks a duck, wearing a hi-vis vest, a hard hat and a scowl that says he's having a bad day.

Before the barman can say a word, the duck exclaims, "WANKERS!!!! CUNTS...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.

After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant; frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins!..... A boy ...

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