There are five cows on a farm, one momma cow and four baby calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.”


The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your ...

Mad Cow Disease has been found to be transmitted to calves when being breastfed

It's udder insanity

Just because you have calves...

doesn't mean you have to eat like a cow.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

A cow has apparently defied great odds and given birth to four calves and have been named

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, and Moo.

My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.

There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.

What do you call a man who has had his calves removed and the ends of his feet surgically reattached in their place?

Tony.

The meaning of life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my b...

How did the cow know its children have been working out?

Its calves are getting bigger

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many animals can you fit into a pair of spandex

Two calves, an ass, a lot of hares, a camel toe and a fish nobody can find.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

A couple calves, an ass, ten little piggies, a beaver, a shit load of hares, and a fish that no one can seem to find!

Did you know that bathing in cows' milk is good for your legs?

After all, it was originally made for calves.

The circus job audition.

Auditioning for a job at a circus were a young man and a young woman.

The woman said, “I’ll go first.” She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion’s cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her ...

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up

One is a man in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde woman about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to be honest with you, this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Wh...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cowboy named Bud...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his
herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the
window ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman and her husband go to a cow farm

They learn about how beef is made, milk cheese and ice cream are produced, and how organic cows taste way better than factory farmed ones.

When their tour guide lets them looks at the calves, the women asks:

"How many calves can a bull have?"

The tour guide says "See that bull o...

BodyBuilder and a Blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He ...

Farmer - the other day I saw a baby cow jump over the fence

Me - you know, it’s all in the calves.

A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"

"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied

"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"The kind who ties up those calves and brands ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room...

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear, “Just relax.”

Without warning, he reached d...

Why don't cows skip leg day?

To keep their calves in shape

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Bulls

There were these 3 bulls. They were the only bulls on a farm with around 40 heifers, so they had their pick of all the females. One day their master's cart left for the market, and they had a conversation.

"I heard from a chicken that Master is buying another bull today, so we need to fuck mo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm Afraid of Graveyards

It was a chilly February evening. I had just arrived home from a long day at work and threw open the door on my house. My Rottweiler jumped on me, and before I even took off my coat we were going on a walk. We passed the graveyard. A fresh grave had been dug immediately adjacent to the entrance, and...

Giving birth is terrible for a cow's hips…

…but it's great for their calves.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke my 8 year old told me.

I took my son hiking in Round Valley in California. The hills are pretty steep and along the trails you can see multiple "cow pies" as he calls them (cow poop).

As we're hiking up a steep hill:

Son: "Geez dad, my legs are killing me. The cows out here must have such nice calves!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Naughty Maths Question

People Always Complain That Maths Isn't Interesting. But If Our Teachers Asked Questions Like This, Maybe We Too Would Be Maths Geniuses Right Now
f A Man Is In Bed With Two Women, How Many Animals Are There In The Bed?

Answer = 14

3 Asses + 6 Calves + 2 Pussies + 2 Chicks + 1 Cock ...

I grew up in a farm.

Once I had to take a cow to be inseminated on a school day. My teacher didn't really appreciate this and asked why my dad didn’t do it himself. I told her that we only get calves with a bull.

A girl at my high school got kicked out of the Future Farmers of America (FFA)...

She couldn't keep her calves together.

Did you hear about the farmer's daughter who was sent home from the county fair?

She couldn't keep her calves together.