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Whit Jokes

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I was in Walmart whit the wife

I was in Walmart whit the wife and put a bottle of whiskey in the trolley "what do you think your doing " Asked the missus " it's on offer $10 for 1 bottle " put it back we can't afford it. A few aisles on she picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley "what are you doing "I sed ...

What do they call Jehova Whitness in China?

Ding Dong

Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner whit them?

They’re pair-a-medics.

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With Apologies To Abbot And Costello

There were these two kids who ran away from their home in Why, Arizona. One was a tall, white kid. The other was a short, Asian kid. After running away from home, a police officer notices them. They were caught milking baby gila monsters for their venom. The cop didn't want to send them to juvi...

Whit's the differ atween a rich Scotsman, a puir Scotsman, an a deid Scotsman?

The rich Scotsman has a canopy ower his bed.

The puir Scotsman has a can o pee under his bed.

The deid Scotsman cannae pee at a'.

[If you need help: http://www.dsl.ac.uk/]

A Scotsman joins a cult on a farm.

On the night that they are to commit mass suicide, the cult members gather in the farmhouse livingroom, and the elders send the Scotsman on one final task.

A few minutes after the he leaves the room, the members hear a loud "Moo!" from the barn. Moments later, the Scotsman returns, zipping up...

Healthcare (freely translated from german)

A man really needs some vacation but can't afford any. So he decides to go to the psychiatry. He asks the doctor: "What do I have to do to stay here?" The doctor says: "We need to make a test of your menal health." He shows him a bathtub full of water. In front of it lies a spoon, a water glass and ...

Two blondes were kidnaped and they later started to make up a plan to escape.

The first one said: Lets go whit the fence, if the fence is small we will jump to the other side, if the fence is to hight we will dig a tunel to the other side.

The second one says: Thats a great idea!

Then she goes to check the fence and comes back whait a sad face.

the other ...

If you walk around the office with a pair of scissors...

You could literally cut ties whit all your coworkers.

A girl dares a scottish boy to climb up a flagpole.

He bets her five dollars that he can and she agrees. He climbs all the way to the top and gets his five bucks.

He tells his mom after school, feeling proud of his accomplishment.

“Och honey, she jist wanted ye tae climb th' pole sae she coods see up yer kilt.” She says, shaking her hea...

Preparations for a Scottish wedding...

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin'organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the ...rings, the minister, even ma stag night".

...

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Grocery shopping

An old lady walks into her local grocery store and starts browsing through the produce section. The stock boy notices and approaches her to ask if he can help. The old lady responds, "I'm looking to buy some broccoli." The stock boy responds, "I'm terribly sorry ma'am but we are entirely out of broc...

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When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

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