What do you need for a movie about broken bones?

An awesome cast

Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?

Everyone is already in a caste

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Railroad

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, w...

I auditioned for a TV show for people with broken bones.

I didn't make the cast.

A rabbi, a priest and a minister want to see who is best at their job...

So they decide to go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. A few days later, the the priest and the minister bump into each other at the hospital, where each person is being treated for their particular injuries. They then tell each other about their experience.

The prie...

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

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A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house.

He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tort...

Tarzan was swinging through the jungle

As he reached for a vine, his hand slipped and fell to the jungle floor and got knocked out cold.

He woke up and realized he didn’t have any broken bones everything seemed OK, except his wiener was missing. He assumed it had fallen off and one of the jungle creatures ran off with it.

H...

Pinata joke, not mine but thought it was funny. Sorry if you have heard before

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord,...

A man in the bush

A man in the bush lives next door to 3 of his mates. One day, a bushfire comes roaring through. It sets the mans house, and body on fire. His friends put the fire out and call an ambulance for the man.

Once the man arrives at the hospital he is in immense pain. The doctor decides to check his...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

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Three Worst Chinese Tortures

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most...

Hunting by the Tracks

3 friends are out camping and hunting together. A blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They take turns going out hunting while the other two tend the camp. First the Brunette goes out hunting. She creeps off into the woods and a short while later comes back with a deer dragging behind her.

"Wo...

Brian Blessed was flying his bi-plane over the Sahara desert when out of nowhere the engine spluttered and stop and he found himself hurtling toward the ground.

As he crawled out of the wreckage, Brian couldn't believe he had survived the crash. He checked himself for injuries, a few scratches but nothing major; no broken bones, no concussion, not even whiplash from the plane's impact with the ground. For a second he considered himself lucky. Until he looke...

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The three tortures.

A tourist got lost hiking in some mountains in China. It started snowing so he decided to seek shelter. He came upon a tall tower with light in the window, so he pounded on the door. A little old Chinese man opened the door.

"WHAT YOU WAN' ROUND EYE"

Shocked that the old man spoke engl...

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So there was this guy

And he was lost in the woods for days eventually he finds this random 2 floor wodden shack and he goes and knocks on the door.

An old Chinese man answers who looks like he was alive when the dinosours ruled the earth.

The young man who was lost explained his situation and begged for fo...

Old joke my brother told me when i was a young lad

3 men die and go to heaven, meeting them at the gates of heaven was god himself.

"Evening gentlemen. Unfortunately, there is a simple trial require to enter heaven. Each of you must return to earth, gather ping pong balls, as much as you can, and return with them in hand."

The three me...

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So a guy is hiking in a forest and it's getting dark

He's too far from his car to make it back by nightfall and the woods are dangerous at night. Luckily, he comes upon a clearing with a quaint little cottage in the centre. A middle-aged Chinese man is sitting outside the cottage watching the sunset.
The hiker asks the wizened man if he could stay ...

A man named Theodore

A man named Theodore works in a hospital and scans people for broken bones. Despite being the only person at the hospital who does this, he has never scanned anyone under the age of 18. He wonders why this is, and suddenly it hits him.


He's x-ray Ted.

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A man got lost in the woods...

... and stumbles upon this old house in the middle of the wood with it's lights on. An old Chinese man with a long grey beard answers the door and the man asks for help. The old man says he can stay for the night, but gives him one warning. He says, "if you touch my daughter, I will lay upon you the...

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