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Baggie Jokes

I live in a non-legal state and I recently found a little baggie of weed in the parking lot outside my workplace. Since drugs are illegal and I am a good and responsible citizen, I immediately took the bag home and destroyed the weed

... in a series of small fires.

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Taking grandson fishing...

A grandfather was taking his grandson fishing one day. While driving to the lake the grandfather grabbed a beer out of the cooler and popped the top.
Grandson: "Grandpa, grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Well, let me ask you a question first. If you pull your pecker down is ...

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Two neighbors stand before a judge, one suing the other.

The judge asks "For what reason are you suing your neighbor here?"

The man replies "Because this man ripped off one of my testicles!"

The judge, confused, asks "Why would anyone do such a thing?"

The man shrugs and states "I don't know, but I found it and put it in this plastic ...

Man goes to meet his drug dealer,

He asks him if he has anything to fix his stiff joints.

The dealer gives him his usual baggie of weed and says " Don't roll them so hard next time"

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So a drug dealer is being raided..

The police storm in, securing all the rooms in the house. One kicks open the bathroom door and catches a guy standing next to the toilet with a baggie full of cocaine.

"Freeze, asshole!" The cop shouts, aiming his gun at the guy.

"Ok, ok. You got me" the guy says, "but you need to li...

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Ok, you got me.

A drug raid is going on at a house in the suburbs. The cops kick in the door and spread out through the house. A DEA agent breaks open a bathroom door to find a man holding what appears to be a bag of coke over a toilet.

"Freeze, motherfucker!" The cop shouts.

"Ok, ok, you got me." T...

Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

Iā€™ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. Thereā€™s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know itā€™s not the best, but it keeps forever and Iā€™ve been perfec...

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Man walks into a gas station and buy a pack of 28 condoms

Next Friday he buys another pack and continues every week for a whole year when the store clerk ask man tell me your secret how are you going through this many? Thereā€™s only 7 days a week and and your buying over twenty.

The man laughs replies I feed them to my dog so he poops in little bag...

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Smartenin' pills

This little kid Jimmy was frustrated, because every day as he walked to school with his lunch, the big bully Buster would stop him and ask him what he had for lunch. Then he would take the lunch and eat it!

So one day Jimmy decided he had enough, he had to do something about this. Now his A...

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