Don't you just hate it when someone asks you to "do something funny" and you are just standing awkwardly trying to think of an appropriate joke while more and more people start to look at you? No? Just me? Okay.

Person 1: I just got 3 strikes in bowling!
Person 2: I got three strikes in baseball...

Person 1: I got "nothing but net" in basketball
Person 2: I got "nothing but net" in volleyball...

Person 1: I just hit someone in the stomach in dodgeball!
Person 2: I just hit someo...

A family of potatoes sat down to dinner...

...There was a mom potato, dad potato, and three daughter potatoes. The oldest daughter potato said "I have exciting news! I'm getting married!"

The family bustled with excitement. "We're so happy for you!" said dad potato, "who is the lucky fellow?"

"He's an Idaho potato," said the el...

A Proctology exam.

A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.

The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.

“Alright Brian, it’s your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an erection” the doctor says.

...

At the dance, Wood-Eye Pete stood awkwardly to the side

Deciding there wasn't much to lose he decided to ask Pudgie Peggy to dance.
"Would you care to dance?" He asked her, gamely.
With enthusiasm Pudgie Peggy eagerly expressed her delight almost yelling, “ Would I??!!“
Pete blushed with shame and quickly defended himself yelling “Well you're ...

A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.

Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

A priest and a nun are driving to a monastery

A priest and a nun are driving in a car towards a monastery, priest behind the wheel.

Approaching the red light, priest places gently his hand on the nuns knee to which the nun looks at him and says, “Father, remember Luke 14:10”. Priest apologies, removes his hand and keeps on driving.
...

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A doctor sees his patient awkwardly standing at the bar.

Doctor: “Hey patient how are you feeling, did the constipation get better?”

Patient: “No”

Doctor: “So you’re still not able to to go number 2.”

Patient: “No shit doc.”

Doctor: “But why are you standing?”

Patient: “I’ve got no stool.”

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This guy was buying a pregnancy test. I looked at him and he looked back awkwardly.

"It's not for me," he said, embarrassed. "It's for my sister."

I said, "Sick bastard. Why are you having sex with her?"

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Jane is on her honeymoon with Tarzan.

He lays stiff in bed awkwardly staring at the roof of the treehouse. "Have you ever had sex?" She asks, he stands up and points out the window, "when Tarzan horny, Tarzan poke hole in tree."

She walks over to him and says "Just do the same, pretend i'm the tree." He nods, and swiftly kicks he...

A Test of Faith

A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk and a Jehovah's witness, tired of the endless debates, decided to prove amongst themselves which faith was the real one, once and for all.

All three decided on the test:
They must each, one after the other, jump off a tall, steep cliff, and chant the ...

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A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

Man in a movie theater

An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if...

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Boris Johnson,Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing..

Boris Johnson, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing on the North Sea coast .

Boris Johnson starts to brag while looking at the Water : „We British have the best submarines in the World. Our subs can be submerged under water for over one month without refueling!“

Merkel is looking...

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20,018,884 virgins say hi

You say hi back.

20,018,885 virgins stare at each other awkwardly.

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An ugly man is sitting alone in a bar when suddenly a beautiful woman approaches him.

The woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?"

The man is stunned as he never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees.

They both get into his car and drive out past the edge of town. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city.

Wit...

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Joe Biden, Boris Johnson and Angela Merkel are having dinner together at a waterfront restaurant after a conference

As they look out at the water, conversation turns to the naval forces of their respective countries.

Boris Johnson chimes in and says "Our British submarines are impeccable works of engineering, they can stay underwater for two weeks without refuelling." Biden is interested, Merkel more so....

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A princess wanted to get married...

Deep in the German forests, there was a huge castle. It housed the king, his beautiful daughter and some servants. One day, the princess decided that she wanted to get married to a man. When she confronted her father and told him about her decision, he got very displeased and denied her request. Aft...

A kangaroo enters a bar in the middle of the outback

Everyone stares at him awkwardly, wondering how an animal could be lost to the point of entering a human home. The kangaroo jumps up to the bar and says :

"Hey, gimme a pint of beer."

The owner, confused by this sight, points at the beer taps :

"Er, which one ?"

"Gimme an...

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