A pirate awkwardly stumbles into a bar.

Bartender: What's wrong?

Pirate: Aye, a scallywag shoved me boat's steering wheel down me pants and it's stuck there in me crotch!

Bartender: That sounds painful.

Pirate: Aye, it's a driving me nuts.

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

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This guy was buying a pregnancy test. I looked at him and he looked back awkwardly.

"It's not for me," he said, embarrassed. "It's for my sister."

I said, "Sick bastard. Why are you having sex with her?"

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An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him...

... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking ...

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Did you hear about the woman in a coma?

Day 1. So there's a woman in hospital in a coma, the nurse is giving her the daily flannel wash. She cleans the lady down as per usual until she got to her lady parts, she notices the woman's finger twitch as she cleans.

Day 2. The nurse is giving the lady in coma her wash again when a simila...

A rich businessman enters a bar and announces he’s looking for a good deal.

Before long an old man approaches him with an old lamp. “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy this very rare lamp?”

“For how much?” The businessman asks.

“1.5 billion dollars. A steal, if you ask me. It is worth much more” The old man says.

“1.5 BILLION DOLLARS?!” The businessma...

Johnny's dad wanted Johnny to take a shower

Johnny's dad told Johnny to take a shower. "I'm scared, can I take a shower with you?" Johnny said. "No, son, that would be weird," his father replied. "Pleeeasee?" he cried. "Okay, okay, but just don't look down.."

Johnny, being the curious boy he was, looked down. "Dad, what's that?" he ask...

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A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all

He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia.

After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men.

“A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh...

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A guy finds a Genie in a bottle...

**A Genie zooms out of the bottle and shouts "THANK YOU FOR FREEING ME FROM MY MYSTICAL CHAMBER! YOU MAY HAVE THREE WISHES!"**

*The guy says "Ha, Make it four"*

**The Genie claps his hands and cheers: "IT SHALL BE GRANTED! YOU NOW HAVE THREE WISHES LEFT!"**

*The guy stumbles "O...

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A traveler arrives in a remote village

He receives a warm welcome. The villagers gather around him, asking him to tell them about his adventures.

"Well.. what do you want to know?" he asked.

After a brief pause, they answered:

"Tell us what animals did you see?"

"What animals do you know?" He asked them.
...

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