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Cannons Jokes

i used to work in a fort cleaning the inside of cannons

then they fired me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"

"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.

"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday," says the agent...

Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain.

Captain: Are.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate walked into a bar.

He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious. "How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked.

The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg."

The bartender s...

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Hark, I hear the cannons roar!

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent, saying that he's got a part for him in an upcoming play. "You'll have to go to an audition, but it's just one line - 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar!'" says the agent. So the actor goes to the audition, stands in front of the director and loudly procla...

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Hark! Are those cannons I hear?

Charlie was an aspiring stage actor who was still waiting for his "big break." He rarely got called for an acting gig and was near the point of giving up on his dream.
Finally, one day, his agent called and said "Charlie! I've got good news! I got you a gig! It's a small part, only one lin...

A King and his squire during a battle

King: "Cannons, fire!"

Squire: "Your majesty, we have no cannons"

King: "Ok then. Cavalry, charge!"

Squire: "We have no cavalry either"

King: "Ok then. Archers, loose!"

Squire: "We have no archers either"

King: "Ok then. Infantry, attack!"

Squire: "W...

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

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A grammar nazi pirate is sailing his ship getting ready to attack an enemy ship...

when one of his men comes up to him and hollers:

*"The cannons be ready, Captain!"*

The Captain looks at him and says:

*"Arrrrrrrrrre"*

I shot two camera lenses out of two cannons into each other at high speed...

...I wanted to make a kaleidoscope

The pirate comes up onto the deck

The pirate comes up onto the deck and finds the captain.

"The cannons be ready, Sire!" announced the pirate.

The captain replies, "Are".

This joke was brought to you by the grammar police.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old, washed up actor was excited to get a bit part in a play.

It was a period piece, and he was playing a guard on duty, cannons would fire and he would say, "Hark! I hear the cannons roar!". On opening night he was late to get to the theater and was in a rush. As he got back stage the doorman stopped him and he said, "I'm hark, I hear the cannons roar!". "Hur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I met a Pirate...

- Mobile user, please excuse phrasing.

So the other day I met a pirate. I mean this guy was the real deal, peg leg, hook for a hand, eye patch, the works. I just had to ask him about it.

"Can I ask how you got the peg leg?".
"Aye, twas a dark, stormy night. I was at sea, surveying ...

What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?

One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.

A pirate captain was out at sea when his first mate ran to him suddenly...

The first mate shouted “Sir! Theres a ship on the horizon armed with 10 cannons and 100 men!”

The captain replied, “bring me my red shirt and prepare for battle!”

The pirates fight and win the battle, making off with all the treasure. A few days later, the first mate again run up yell...

What kind of equipment did the the pirate's photographers use?

Cannons

A pirate trained his pet whale to come when he whistled

One day, he heard a navy general whistle the same way

Furious, the pirate fired all cannons and blew their ship in half. In victory he yelled

Sank you!

The general yelled back

Your whale comes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old one my dad used to tell...

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day, and the agents like "good news! I got you a part in a play! It's only one line, but it's the opener and could be your big shot! Okay so the line is..

'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'..
Got that? 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar"

...

The Navy captain was approached by his lieutenant.

“Captain! There is an enemy ship incoming! They are armed with cannons and a hundred men with muskets and swords!”

“Very well,” said the Captain. “Fetch me my red shirt.”

“Why your red shirt, sir?”

“Because if I am wounded in the fight, the blood will be hidden by the shirt, a...

Bob was a fierce pirate captain...

Bob owned a 1 cannon ship and every day, he went out and fought with this boat. One day, he came across a different 1 cannon ship. He said "Mate, fetch me my red shirt." His mate returned with his red shirt. Bob put the shirt on, started firing, and won. He went sailing the next day and this day, he...

A Pirate Ship is attacked by a similar sized ship

Before the impending battle begins, the captain says to his crew mate, "Bring me me red shirt." The crew fought gallantly, and won. After the battle, the crew mate asks his captain, "Sir, why did you ask for thy red shirt?" The captain responds, "so that way, if I was wounded in battle, the crew wou...

Captains Pants (one of my favorites)

One day, a scout on a small ship sees another equally sized ship on the horizon.

He tells the captain that the ship looks hostile, so the captain orders everyone on board to ready the cannons.

He then tells the scout to bring him his red shirt so that way his blood will not show and th...

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