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Empathetic Jokes

Blind people are so empathetic

They feel everything

Beavers aren't empathetic

They never give a dam.

My wife says that sometimes, I’m too empathetic for my own good.

I know exactly what she means.

My teacher told me that I need to be more empathetic,

But when I tried putting myself in her shoes she screamed things at me like "Give me my stuff back!" and "Get the hell out of my house!"

What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?

He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a rabbi are stuck on an elevator.

They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, "Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon."

The rabbi said, "Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet."

The priest no...

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A man smelling of alcohol and weed sat next to a priest on a bus.

The man’s clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

A few minutes later he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthr...

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A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me five shots of vodkas."

The bartender brings the drinks, raises an eyebrow and empathetically asks, "What up, man. Rough day?"

The man downs his first shot and says, "Just found out my eldest son is gay. I ain't prejudice, but I was raised how I was raised. I just need a bit of spirit to accept it."

Two night...

They say it's inoperable...

A guy walks into a bar and orders seven shots of whiskey. The bartender lines up the seven shots and the man starts slamming them one after another. The bartender says "You sure are drinking those awfully fast."

The man responds "You'd be drinking them this fast if you had what I have." ...

A man found a mole on his arm one day.

He'd never seen it before, but he wasn't the most attentive person, so he let it alone. A week passed. Eventually, that mole began to grow, and seemed to bleed into the skin around it. The man asked his wife about it, and she said he should probably get it checked out, but he ignored the advice, ass...

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An American walks into a pub in Ireland

...he sits down next to an old, mangled Irishman who is clearly on his umpteenth drink of the afternoon.

As the American orders a beer, the Irishman leans over to him and says:

> What’d ya think of this bar, young man?

“It’s nice.” The American says, nonplussed. He just wan...

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