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Architects Jokes

Completed in 1856, Big Ben was designed by architects Charles Barry and Augustus Welby Pugin and took 13 years to build.

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West...

...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

Software architects should never design high security fences.

They’re likely to make them highly scalable.

"Why is it important for engineers and architects to get along?"

I was asked this by an engineer I was driving to a conference center from the airport.

"I don't know, why?"

"Well, you see, if all the buildings in the World were built only by architects, they would all collapse under their own weight."

This elicited some chuckles from his coll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do architects, engineers and male pornstars gain fame?

Through their erections

An architect

An architect storms into the CEOs office holding a towel to his bloody nose. "Good God, man, what happened to you!?" the CEO exclaimed.

"Sir, the lead architect on the Legend project just punched me in the face for questioning his designs, which frankly are impossible. Take a look." The ar...

An oligarch, a theocrat, and two architects of the prison industrial complex walk into a bar...

Sorry, I misplaced my notes. Those are just the choices for the US Presidential election.

What's the difference between engineers and architects?

If all the buildings in the World were built by architects, they'd all fall down on their own, if they were all built by engineers, we'd tear them all down because they're so ugly.

A government agent is responsible for finding an architect to build a tower

So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Iranian. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.

He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my sal...

A new study found that an overwhelming majority of architects are seeing psychiatrists

Most being diagnosed with an edifice complex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

Conversation that just happened between a friend (lawyer) and I (Architect).

Friend: Everybody hates lawyers, until they need one.
Me: Everybody loves architects, until they need one.

Architects call a layer of bricks a wythe. After the Great Fire of London, where thousands of wooden buildings were destroyed, King Henry VIII passed a law that the walls of all new buildings must be made of at least six layers of brick.

This is known as the six wythes of Henry the Eighth.

Definitions in construction

*Tender submission* - A game of poker in which the losing hand wins
*Tender sum* - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places
*Successful Tenderer* - A contractor wondering what they left out.
*Architect* - A person who knows very little about a great deal and keeps knowing less and le...

Structural Engineering

Because architects don’t know what physics is.

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

When The Pope talks about politicians working together

Representatives of different professions in a Christian country were debating which profession is the oldest. The medical doctor said:
‘What was the first thing that God did with humans? He performed an operation – he made Eve with Adam’s rib. The medical profession is the oldest.’
‘No, that ...

The taxi driver

A British and a United States Architects arrived at Soekarno-Hatta International Airport in Jakarta Indonesia for a Building Convention.

They knew each other, arrived at about the same time, planned to stay at the same hotel, and they have both been to Indonesia before, so they agreed to shar...

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