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Angry Wife Jokes

Bob left work Jokes ;)

Bob left work one Friday evening.
But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours...

After a great birthday fishing and drinking with the guys, I came home to a very angry wife.

Apparently, "Why don't you tie me to the bed and do whatever you want" had some caveats.

A man comes home late one night to an angry wife.

"Were you at the strip bar?" She asks.

"I can't say. I signed a non-disclosure agreement."

"They don't make you sign those."

"I know, that's why I brought one from home."

Angry Wife

Someone posted this on Funny Droid (Android Application ) :

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball ba...

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Angry wife

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”



“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing...

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An angry wife storms up to her husband.

Wife: Our son just called me a bitch.

Husband: That son of a bitch!

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An angry wife tried to cut off her husband's penis

She missed and cut his thigh instead.

She was charged with a misdaweiner.

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

The angry wife met her husband at the door.

There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"


"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

A mathematician wanders home at 3am where he meets his angry wife at the door..

She yells “Where the hell were you? You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” he says, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

An angry wife was complaining about her husband...

.... spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watch...

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My angry wife left me after she said ".. eat shit and die! "

And all I said was: "So dinner is ready?".

What did a chef cook to his angry wife?

Spaghetti Apolognese

My angry wife said: "I hope you spend an eternity in hell !"....

I said, "Why wait? I'll take you clothes shopping right now".

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.

The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the...

My angry wife controls everything. She even said I had to stop eating candy at work...

... so I had to fire her

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A man's wife was heavily pregnant

A man's wife was heavily pregnant and had started to get a lot of weird food cravings. One afternoon she said to her husband "I'm really peckish and would love some escargot(a meal made from snails)... Can you run down to the store and pick up some snails for me?"

The man dutifully agrees and...

My now angry wife asked me how much I thought she weighed, and I knew it was over 200, but instead I said:

"A hundred and plenty?"

A bloke is sent by his wife to get snails to make escargot...

"I expect ya back in an hour as the bread's already bakin' and the wine's already breathin' on the table" says his wife .

The bloke walks down the path towards town and the local market. Upon arriving he finds the snails, and he spends a good five minutes picking out the biggest and juiciest ...

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A man's wife tells him "if you ever come back drunk again I'll leave you"

One night he goes out to a pub with a mate for a few drinks. They've both had a bit too much and eventually one of them is sick all over himself staining his shirt.

He's very embarrassed and exclaims to his friend "I can't go home looking like this. My wife will leave me!"

His friend c...

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