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Brain Damage Jokes

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What do masturbation and brain damage have in common?

After a few strokes it’s all over!

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Q tips can cause brain damage.

Be careful not to put disinformation too far into your ear canal.

They're making a new Beauty and the Beast where the princess is brain damaged and everyone picks her up to do curls.

She is a dumb Belle

What is it called when a alligator has brain damage?

A reptile disfunction

An 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with no memory and brain damage.

The doctor asked him a series of questions:
“Do you know where you are?”
“I’m at Rex Hospital.”

“What city are you in?”
“Raleigh.”

“Do you know who I am?”
“Dr. Hamilton.”

the old grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, “I hope he doesn’t ask me any more...

Yo mama's so fat

She gave her memory foam mattress brain damage

I was in a horrible accident a few years ago, and I suffered some brain damage and lost feeling to my whole left side.

I'm feeling all right now

Two friends are driving through a town...

They see a billboard saying:

Vodka + water = kidney problems;

Rum + water = liver problems;

Whiskey + water = heart issues;

Gin + water = brain damage;

Says one to the other “dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town”

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.

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Paddy and Murphy are chatting.

Paddy: "My mate came off of his motorbike today."

Murphy: "Oh really, Is he okay.?"

Paddy: He has brain damage, 2 broken arms & he is blind in one eye.

Murphy: "Fucking hell, no wonder he came off"!!!!

If I could describe all the horrible things that a lifetime of inhaling paint has done to me in one word, ...

... that word would be brain damage.

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My friend fell off his motorcycle

He has brain damage and two broken arms. Why the fuck would anyone let him try to ride in that condition is beyond me...

What are you watching tonight?

The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?

Two men walk into a bar

They walk away with a concussion and brain damage

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Car accident

A man is called to the hospital, his wife and mother in law were in an accident. His wife held over for observation, and the doctor asks if his wife has any siblings.

He replies "no she an only child"

Dr Says "well than I am sorry to tell you you mother in law is very bad off. She has ...

Woman receives a phone call from local hospital...

"Hello Mrs Smith, this is Dr Trimble calling - I have some good news and bad news for you - which would you like first"? "Well the bad news I guess replies Mrs Smith". "Very well", replies Dr Trimble, "your husband has been in a horrible car accident, he has broken both his legs and arms, his pelvis...

I met my wife in a car crash

The brain damage she suffered didn’t hurt my chances

Somewhere over the Alps...

A strictly vegetarian airliner crashes during a storm. A large portion of the passengers and crew receive serious brain damage, while a few are mostly unharmed. With so little food on-board, these few are given a choice: Eat the others, or do the morally correct thing and try to survive on what they...

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If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

By giving it severe permanent brain damage.

God knows how many souls could have been saved ..

If the demonic possession hasn't been so often misdiagnosed for brain damage ...

I've started dating this girl with a small handicap.

She's the greatest! She's smart, funny, beautiful in her own special way and so loving it eaves me at a lack of words.


She has a small issue, after a car crash, she suffered some brain damage and has no short-term memory. It's kind of like that movie "memento", you might have seen it. We'...

A man with no arms is looking for a job

He sees a church with a "Bell ringer wanted" sign in front of it and knocks on the door with his head.

A pastor answers the door, 'Yes?'

The man says, 'I am here to apply as a bell-ringer'.

The pastor is surprised at this and says, 'How will you be able to ring the bell without ...

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My ex called me today, begging me to look at an MRI she had recently

She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic bullshit

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