Negotiator Jokes

usa: knock knock


Iran: who's there


usa: door mom


Iran: door mom who


usa: I've come to bargain.

Cop: you're going to prison for forgery
Me: *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now

As was his father before him.

To walk into DFS and walk out with a full price sofa.

Because they love to cave.

Well, to start, he was Russian through things where he should've been Stalin for time, and his team wasn't exactly Lenin him any support. I guess you could say it was Marx'd for failure from the start.

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “T... read more

And that was how I lost my job as a hostage negotiator on the first day.

He didn't know how far he travelled and wondered when he was. He asked a man what year it was but he replied "i'm busy, i'm late for work!"

The time traveller got curious about his occupation and asked him.

The man replied "I'm in the family trade, like my father and grandfather before... read more

The terrorist is on the phone with the hostage negotiator, who asks him how many hostages the terrorist has.

The terrorist says: "I gotta count".

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si... read more

Well it'd have to be this one:

“Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart —you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a ... read more