UPJOKE
agreek alphabetletterbetaepsilonancient greekrhogammathetaoxgreek numeralsimportantof importsigmainterferon

Alpha Jokes

You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male

They have a higher rate of penetration...

The world’s greatest supervillain has captured the three best spies, Secret Agents Alpha, Bravo, and Charlie.

As a form of evil execution she releases them into an arena with a pack of vicious wolves.

First, they chase after Secret Agent Alpha, and although he tries to run from them, he is caught and torn apart.

Then the wolves turn to Secret Agent Bravo, and she stands her ground to fight the...

James Bond walks into a bar

He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "*Is your date running late?*"

"*No*", he replies, "*Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I...

[OC] Everyone talks about being an "Alpha Male"...

I definitely consider myself a Beta male, lots of fun features, but I don't always work correctly...

Guys who call themselves "alpha males" stand true to their name.

They have the lowest rate of penetration.

Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?

Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P

When a guy describes himself as an alpha, I often think that's a pretty accurate description...

Because after all, alpha is slow, heavy and really bad at penetrating biological material.

Eating alfalfa makes you alpha

Almost two alpha

My mom just called her boyfriend an Alpha

She goes on to say - "That would make me the Beta half"

She never laughed so hard in her life.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully they'll be beta soon.

Google Pixel phones will soon come with its own proprietary mobile hot spot service that is currentlyin Alpha.

Much like their other services, Gmail and Gmaps, It is called Gspot, but phones are having a difficult time finding it.

I slammed €1,000 down on the bookies counter demanding to put it all on A2Z at 26/1

It was a real alpha bet.

(I don't care if it's terrible, I made myself laugh with it)

"Our Lord has many names. The Almighty. The Messiah. The Alpha and the Omega. The Shepard. Howard."

What do you he doesn't go by "Howard"?! Do you not know "The Lord's Prayer":



*Our Father who art in Heaven*

*Howard be thy name*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two horses live on a farm.

Their names are Harry and Larry. Harry and Larry are best friends. They do everything together, they eat together, play together, sleep together...

One day, while Harry and Larry were grazing in the fields, Larry said to Harry, “Harry, I think it’s time we figure out who the Alpha Horse on th...

What do you call a male Oyster?

A Boyster.

What do you call an Alpha male Oyster?

Boysterous.

What do you call an Oyster who lives in a society?

The Joyster.

What gamble do English grads have to perfect to become the most dominant in their class?

The Alpha Bet.

What do you call 26 letters chipping in to make a big gamble?

An alpha bet.

Some friends are talking about whose wife is the boss of the house.

Some friends are sitting at a table talking about whose wife is the boss of the house.

One friend points at an empty table and says, “Whoever thinks their wife is the alpha sit over there.”

Everyone, but one man goes over to the empty table and sits.

Everyone applauds, “You’re t...

I really wish people would start taking Covid more seriously...

I don't wanna have to learn the entire Greek alphabet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was time for the day of revelations. The Apocalypse.

The Lord said, "IS ALL IN PREPERATION?"

And his angels said, "Yes, oh, Alpha and Omega! Shall we break the seals?"

And the Lord said, "LET IT BE DONE."

Conquest, War, Famine and Death were then unleashed. As one, they asked in their terrible voices: "Shall we unleash the final ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

German air traffic controllers

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange betwee...

Obituaries are starting to creep me out

People keep dying in alphabetical order

Nitrogen triiodide will detonate violently due to random stray currents of air, the touch of a feather, or even a passing alpha particle.

... Still not as fragile as the male ego.

Read the following out loud...

Alpha Kenny Body

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

Joke from my 3 year old daughter

I was putting my daughter to bed tonight and she told me she had a joke for me.

What kind of bat knows the A, B, Cs?




The alphaBAT

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The story of the bull Pete the Ballsack and the cow Mary the Untouchable

Once upon a time, there was this bull named Pete the Ballsack. Pete the Ballsack was this alpha bull and could have any cow he wanted. All except one. The one that always seemed to get away was Mary the Untouchable. To Pete the Ballsack's defence, she was kept in a barbed-wire fence encasement, so i...

Whats the First Bet that most people make in their lives?

The Alpha Bet

What should you not give to a dyslexic person for breakfast?

Alpha-bits

My wife just made this up on the spot: What did the top dog of the pack do for fun on the weekend?

He drove his 'alpha' Romeo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choking on the Phonetic Alphabet

Last week, I was registering for a website when I ran into a little trouble and had to call their customer support. We were going through some basic form information and he was having trouble understanding my spelling so he told me to use the phonetic alphabet.

For those of you that don't kn...

The Invisible Man...

...was the real Alpha Male

My wife Mei said to me, "You just rike Trump."

"Confident? An alpha male?" I said.
She shook her head.
"Real-estate savvy? A canny businessman?"
She looked at the floor and sighed.
"Proud father of - "
"No Steve!" She said, slamming the knife down on the counter. "Both roose erection!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the peak of the cold war the Russians started a project to mass produce war robots.

The plan was divided into 4 stages, in the first stage the scientists were tasked to perfect the technology of remotely controlling the robots.

The second stage was giving the robots a perfectly humanoid stucture and give them the ability to perfectly copy human actions.

T...

Very slightly based on a true story

When I was in college, our RA was in a frat, Alpha Chi Rho (usually Chi Rho for short.) They had this setup with some various clubs, athletes usually of some sort, because a lot of them majored in physical therapy and/or massage therapy, where they'd have the guys in the frat give therapy sessions.<...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.