UPJOKE
bittersabvczech republicsvizzeraoccidentaleprincesseloirjakodragademebranchesocietehorizontministremeubles

Did you hear the Cookie Monster got Covid?

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.




Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs...

A beta tester walks into a bar

A beta tester runs into a bar

A beta tester crawls into a bar

A beta tester moonwalks into a bar

A beta tester jumps into a bar

A beta tester sneaks into a bar

A beta tester orders 1 beer

A beta tester orders 2 beers

A beta tester orders 0 beers
...

My kids have been wanting a Beta fish

So we went to the pet store, but they told us it was stuck in development. .... I’ll see myself out

You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male

They have a higher rate of penetration...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to own a beta fish

It would just sit and watch while I had sex with the little scuba guy.

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

What was World of Warcraft called in the beta stage?

World of Wardraft.

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

I have a beta fish named Carl

He's a real lady killer!

Walk

I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, ...

Why can't sous chefs get girls?

They're all beta cooks.

α and β played a 1v1 basketball match

β won, because it was Beta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choking on the Phonetic Alphabet

Last week, I was registering for a website when I ran into a little trouble and had to call their customer support. We were going through some basic form information and he was having trouble understanding my spelling so he told me to use the phonetic alphabet.

For those of you that don't kn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the peak of the cold war the Russians started a project to mass produce war robots.

The plan was divided into 4 stages, in the first stage the scientists were tasked to perfect the technology of remotely controlling the robots.

The second stage was giving the robots a perfectly humanoid stucture and give them the ability to perfectly copy human actions.

T...

My mom just called her boyfriend an Alpha

She goes on to say - "That would make me the Beta half"

She never laughed so hard in her life.

Why don't neckbeards hit on people with heart conditions?

Because people with heart conditions take beta-blockers.

I asked my Indian father for a PS3

He said "No beta, it's pronounced PH.D."

Did you know they're testing fishes as house pet?

It's still in Beta

When God created the animals, He realized the sea creatures needed more work.

They were just beta fish

Indian men are statistically the least likely to get laid

No wonder even their parents call them beta.

Why did my app lose its previously large female following?

Because it went into beta. :(

A staff member once said..

The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.

As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average p...

Why do jocks hate new technology?

They don't like betas.

Daedalus and the Labyrinth

Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor.

"Listen, Daedalus," Hades began. "You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworl...

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully they'll be beta soon.

The owner of the local pet store let me take a test fish home to see if I'd like one as a pet...

...It was a beta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

SOFTWARE UPGRADE NOTICE

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.
No mention of this p...

Why haven't any subscribers to r/TheRedPill played Overwatch yet?

They don't play the beta.

If they had a 4chan game...

It'd always be in beta.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.