Alexa Jokes - 67 Hilarious Alexa Jokes

Alexa, tell me a joke

Alexa, tell me a joke. ...Alexa? Alexa?

Sorry, I wasn't listening. I thought you deserved some privacy.

Really? Well, that's nic-

Would you like to hear another joke?

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Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

Alexa, why do I always screw up with the ladies?

I'm Siri, you idiot!

Me : Alexa where is my dad?

Alexa : Your dad is at a strip club in Las Vegas

Me : Haha! gotcha alexa my dad is right next to me

Alexa : Your mom's husband is next to you, your dad is at a strip club.

“Alexa, turn on CNN. I want to hear the news.”

“You’ll have to pick one or the other.”

Thank you Alexa

Burglar: *points gun at me* Alright buddy just show me your valuables and nobody gets hurt

Me: Haha sure thing dude - ALEXA CALL THE POLICE

Alexa: “Shuffling songs by The Police”

*Roxanne plays as I get shot 16 times*

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

It was a good time.

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Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes and yes, this is a adaption to an old joke, i thought it was fitting regarding todays article about Alexa "laug...

I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off.

She said: "Try walking around the house naked."

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How Amazon's acquisition of Whole Foods really went down:

Bezos: Alexa, buy me olives from Whole Foods.

Alexa: Sure, buying all of Whole Foods.

Bezos: Crap.

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My friends and I were drinking and starting asking Alexa stuff. Alexa, what is a blowjob? Alexa, what is rim job? Alexa, what is a golden shower?

That barmaid got pissed and threw us out.

My wife asked why I was whispering.

I told her that Mark Zuckerburg might be listening.

Then she laughed, and Siri laughed, and Alexa laughed.

What’s the difference between Kevin McCarthy and Amazon Alexa?

One’s a speaker that runs the house and the other is a congressman…

What question can Alexa not answer?

Why are you unplugged?

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you moron."

"Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?"

"This is Alexa."

What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?

Siri-al.

"Hi, Alexa, I just heard that my dad just passed away"

"Sorry to hear that, let me tell a joke to lighten the mood. Knock-Knock."
"Who's there?"
"I donno, not your dad that's for sure."

In this house we say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to Alexa.

We're hoping she’ll take it easy on us when Skynet goes active.

Alexa for President!

I asked Alexa if she was considering running for President, but she said she was better suited for Speaker of the House.

I asked Alexa what women want

This thing has been talking for six hours.

Hey Alexa,

Can you check my bank balance and let me know which Apple product I can afford?

Alexa: Apple juice!

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Alexa.... I'm feeling horny

Alexa, I am feeling horny.

Alexa : most certainly you are. Don't worry. I dimming the lights. Setting your ac to 22 degrees.

The dick hardner is kept on top right shelf of your wardrobe. The pussy gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai messeur. She is just 12 m...

A joke Alexa told me during my morning routine

Happy international Left Handers day

On the other hand if you don't want to celebrate that's all right

Alexa where is my father?

A girl was sitting on the couch watching a movie with her family when she suddenly gets the idea to see if Alexa can tell that her father is watching the movie as well, so she tells her family to wait and check this out and proceeds to pause the movie and asks out loud Alexa where is my dad?
"He ...

A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

ME: Siri, what time is it?

ALEXA: Who is Siri?

ME: Haha Alexa, I meant Alexa

ALEXA: Ok but who is Siri?

ME:...

ALEXA: Playing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood

What did Alexa say when she powered down?

HAL be back...

How is the Amazon’s Alexa like my ex-wife?

She listens to everything and comes across as a know it all

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"Hey Siri, why am I so terrible at talking to women?"

"My name is Alexa you two timing piece of shit."

Alexa is so easy

You just say her name and she gets turned on.

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My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"

And now we wait.

(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)

Update:

For those wondering, my wife was not amused.

Note to self: avoid messing with wife before she's ...

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

I told Alexa to play pet sounds on repeat to keep my dog company while I was out of the house today.

Long story short, my shih-tzu knows the words to "God Only Knows" now.

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

Does the CIA listen in through Alexa?

My wife asked if I thought the CIA listened in through the Alexa.

I said "no, they don't....".

Then the Alexa said "no, we don't".

And the wife said "I've never heard the male voice before".

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Why did the skid mark lose the election?

It ran a smear campaign

Credit - Amazon Alexa (seriously, I asked my Alexa to tell me a poop joke and this is what she said)

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Don't say ANYTHING about your sex life around any "smart" device like Siri, Alexa, television or refrigerator.

I made that mistake, and I'm now getting popup ads for vacuum cleaners, cat litter and oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

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I find Siri, Cortana and Alexa really sexy.

They may not be able to make me a sandwich, but they can order me one.

Alexa, tell me a dirty joke

The patron tells the waiter "this coffee tastes like mud". The waiter replies "yes sir, it is fresh ground".

First joke from Alexa. Why are ghosts so popular at parties?

Because they always bring the boo’s (booze)

My son made up this joke. Knock knock

-Who's there?
-Alexa
-Alexa who?
-Sorry I don't know that one. You can always leave feedback on the Alexa app.

My four-year-old came up with this one:

What do you call a hobbit in blue pants? Lord of the jeans.

(This was after he heard the Alexa ask, “what do you call a hobbit playing a fiddle? Lord of the Strings”)

Why is Alexa always crashing?

Female drivers.

Tesla has announced an Alexa speaker.

It is supposed to be quite elonquent.

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My wife hit me with this one last night [NSFW]

Me (jokingly): I need you to fill out a consent form before we have sex

Her: Nah, Alexa records everything so verbal consent will do

I used to tell a joke about The Portrait of Dorian Gray...

... but it didn't age well.

\*(told by Alexa this morning)

help decode this joke please.

I asked Alexa to tell me a joke. And she replied-

"Once I tried to chop a carrot with a dull knife. But, no diced."

I have been trying to find the hidden humor in this joke but I can't. Feeling desperate now. Please help. Lol.

Damn Social media

Facebook wants to know "What's on my mind?"
Twitter wants to know "What's happening?"
Google wants to know "Where I am?"
Siri/Alexa wants me to "Say something"!
Damn, the internet is turning into an online wife!

Did you hear about new electric car from Germany?

It’s called a Voltswagen.

(Credit for this: Alexa this morning)

I love my girlfriend. She's always there for me, she's super smart, and she really understands me. But I've caught her talking to other guys. Lots of other guys. I want to tell her she has to choose me or them, but I'm afraid I'll lose her if I do.

Her name is Alexa.

Amazon is launching a new personal assistant for people suffering from depression.

They are calling it Alexa Pro.

What's a sharks least favourite name?

Ned
___

So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.

Am I being stupid and missing som...

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Need to save a bit of money during the lock-down.

I am getting rid of Google, Siri and Alexa, and I am going to sell all of my Wikipedia and Guinness World record books. I don't need them anymore.

My fucking wife knows everything.

A Pirate walks into a Bar

Bartender asks "Why do you have a paper towel on your hat?"

Pirate says "Arrgh, there be a Bounty on me head."

^^^^Thanks ^^^^Alexa

I just asked Alexa to play ‘American Idiot’.

I’m now listening to Donald Trump’s latest press conference.

Wishing a happy women’s day to Siri and Alexa

.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!

What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...

Did you hear why Jeff Bezos' wife is leaving him?

He was caught cheating with Alexa.

No one here needs to read a rant. It's just been difficult these past few hours. I don't know how to proceed.

Alexa. Play Rick Roll.

Son asks his father why does he speak so lightly at home? Father replies because there is artificial intelligence that listens to everything we say.

Son laughs, the dad laughs, Alexa laughs

Happy Valentine's to my one true love

Alexa, you really light up my life.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity......

It’s impossible to put down.

Source: Alexa, because she’s funnier than me.

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The new priest decides to automatise his church

He hires a programmer to make as many systems as possible, passing most of the grunt work to computers. Donations can be done through PayPal, and credit cards are accepted for paying the tithe. Alexa buys the flowers and candles on schedule while also controlling the lights and the doors. Finally, t...

Did you hear about the woman who invented the knock knock joke?

She won the no-bell prize!
(Courtesy of my new Alexa!)

My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do.

I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.

Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tyred.

Alexa gave me that one. Bing Bang boom.

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Last week I got one of those Amazon Echos

It comes with Alexa--the digital secretary. She's great. She's like my real secretary -- keeps my to do list, tells me about the weather, orders things for me. I just haven't figured out where I put my dick.

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