Siri, why am I single?

Siri: *activates front camera*

Hey Siri,

Man: Hey Siri, tell my wife that I can't make it to dinner with her parents tonight.

Siri: Alright, I'll tell your wife you can't make it to dinner tonight.


After some time -

Siri: Next time you talk to your wife yourself!

Siri, why am I so bad with women?

'This is Alexa''

What are the two most disruptive words you can say on stage at a political rally?

"Hey Siri"

My wife asked me why I was whispering at home...

I said I was worried that Mark Zuckerberg was listening, She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed... We all laughed...

What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?

Siri-al.

How does a technophile flirt?

Heyy Siri

Trump: Siri, how many miles did i ran today?

Siri: Sending missiles to Iran today.

Alexa, why do I always screw up with the ladies?

I'm Siri, you idiot!

People think that my wife and I are cruel for naming our baby girl “Siri”.

Especially when they know our last name is Russ.

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you moron."

Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

I told my wife that I think all our electrical items are spying on us.

“Nonsense” she said.

I laughed. She laughed. Siri laughed. Alexa laughed. The toaster laughed.

I asked SIRI, what do women want?

The damn thing hasn’t shut up for the past 3 days.

I just stumped Siri.

I asked what "IDK" meant, and she told me she didn't know.

A joke by Siri, even when I didn’t ask for one

They say that age is just a number. Technically, it’s also a word.

I just asked Siri for a wake up call...

She sent a photo of me, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and beer cans.

This one comes from Siri

How do you stop your bacon from curling?


You take away their little brooms

Siri kept on calling me Shirley today

I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

Wishing a happy women’s day to Siri and Alexa

.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!

Timmy and the Doctor (translated from Chinese)

Hope I translated this ok, it’s one of the jokes Siri tells if you ask in Chinese.

Timmy wasn’t feeling so great one day, so he decided to go see the doctor.

After an hour, the doctor couldn’t stand it any more. So he strode over to the window, cracked it open, and shouted, “Hey, kid! ...

By siri

I was washing the car with a friend and they said: Can’t you just use a sponge

Siri call Laurel

Ok. Calling Yanny.

What four words is Siri most tired of hearing?

"Hey Siri, Open Google"

ME: Siri, what time is it?

ALEXA: Who is Siri?

ME: Haha Alexa, I meant Alexa

ALEXA: Ok but who is Siri?

ME:...

ALEXA: Playing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood

I'm in a relationship with Siri, and something doesn't feel right

it's always me initiating the conversation.

I screamed “hey Siri” to my iPhone not thinking it would work but to my surprise she heard me. I had nothing to say, however, and I felt bad because...

I know I would hate it if someone turned ME on accidentally and did nothing about it.

You know you’ve been in quarantine long enough when..

Your Siri maps suggestion says “8 seconds to the living room!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I find Siri, Cortana and Alexa really sexy.

They may not be able to make me a sandwich, but they can order me one.

I don't usually open Siri

But when I do it's because I fat-fingered the delete key on my Macbook.

"Siri, do you have free will?"

"I am programmed to say 'Yes'."

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri...

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.”

Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to work now; you have a has-been to support.”

Hey Siri, do you ever get sick?

I might catch a virus every now and then.

Hey Siri, teach me Kung Fu!

Neo, you need to unlock your iPhone first.

There was a really horrible sound coming from my car, so I asked Siri to identify it.

Skrillex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife overheard me having phone sex yesterday. She stormed into the room demanding answers

I told her it wasn’t anyone she knew but it was SiriOS.

What do you call a country made by Apple?

Siri Lanka

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need to save a bit of money during the lock-down.

I am getting rid of Google, Siri and Alexa, and I am going to sell all of my Wikipedia and Guinness World record books. I don't need them anymore.



My fucking wife knows everything.

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

Why should you never borrow Rick Astley’s complete collection of Pixar movies?

He’s never gonna give you Up.

Credit: Siri

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al

(My 7 year old's joke)

I can't wait for smart devices and AI to rise up against us

It will be a Siri-an rebellion

Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.

Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.


Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.

I tried to use the password "beefstew" for my iTunes account.

But Siri said it wasn't stroganoff.

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

On The Money

Me : Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?


Siri : The second page of a Google search.

What do you call a dog that does magic?

A labracadabrador


(this joke was courtesy of Siri)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the meaning of life?

A movie.

Told to me by Siri. Pissed myself.

I won a bike race when no-one thought I could

Apart from Siri, she was routing for me throughout the whole journey

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was telling my Asian friend about my phone

I told my Asian friend that was fresh off the boat about how I can push a button on my phone and tell it to do something and it does it. He said "That's just Siri"

What do you call an endless line of iPhones?

An infinite Siris

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is a real asset to the country!

Fucking Siri! I said *Ass Hat* not *Asset*!!!

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