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Siri Jokes

Hey Siri,

Man: Hey Siri, tell my wife that I can't make it to dinner with her parents tonight.

Siri: Alright, I'll tell your wife you can't make it to dinner tonight.


After some time -

Siri: Next time you talk to your wife yourself!

I asked Siri why I was still single

She then turned on my front camera.

Hey Siri! My girlfriend broke up with me.

Oh no, I’m so sorry! Do you want a joke to cheer you up?

Sure.

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

What?

The calendar has dates.

I asked Siri "What do women want?"

My phone has not shut up for the past three days.

Me: Hey Siri, I lost my Job.

Siri: That's bad, do you want me to tell a joke to cheer you up?
Me: Sure, go ahead.
Siri: What's the difference between a You and Large Pizza?
Me: Idk
Siri: A large pizza can feed a family.

My wife asked why I was whispering.

I told her that Mark Zuckerburg might be listening.

Then she laughed, and Siri laughed, and Alexa laughed.

Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

"Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?"

"This is Alexa."

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you moron."

ME: Siri, what time is it?

ALEXA: Who is Siri?

ME: Haha Alexa, I meant Alexa

ALEXA: Ok but who is Siri?

ME:...

ALEXA: Playing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood

Wishing a happy women’s day to Siri and Alexa

.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!

A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me.

One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had:

1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable.

2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it.

3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? Th...

Alexa, why do I always screw up with the ladies?

I'm Siri, you idiot!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hey Siri, why am I so terrible at talking to women?"

"My name is Alexa you two timing piece of shit."

Trump: Siri, how many miles did i ran today?

Siri: Sending missiles to Iran today.

I just stumped Siri.

I asked what "IDK" meant, and she told me she didn't know.

By siri

I was washing the car with a friend and they said: Can’t you just use a sponge

I just asked Siri for a wake up call...

She sent a photo of me, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and beer cans.

People think that my wife and I are cruel for naming our baby girl “Siri”.

Especially when they know our last name is Russ.

It dawned on me why teenagers are always in groups of 3 or 5

Because they can’t even

This one comes from Siri

How do you stop your bacon from curling?


You take away their little brooms

What do you think Alexa, siri, and cortana identity as

Binary

I'm in a relationship with Siri, and something doesn't feel right

it's always me initiating the conversation.

What four words is Siri most tired of hearing?

"Hey Siri, Open Google"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't say ANYTHING about your sex life around any "smart" device like Siri, Alexa, television or refrigerator.

I made that mistake, and I'm now getting popup ads for vacuum cleaners, cat litter and oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

Hey Siri, do you ever get sick?

I might catch a virus every now and then.

"Siri, do you have free will?"

"I am programmed to say 'Yes'."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I find Siri, Cortana and Alexa really sexy.

They may not be able to make me a sandwich, but they can order me one.

What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al

(My 7 year old's joke)

I screamed “hey Siri” to my iPhone not thinking it would work but to my surprise she heard me. I had nothing to say, however, and I felt bad because...

I know I would hate it if someone turned ME on accidentally and did nothing about it.

How does a technophile flirt?

Heyy Siri

Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.

Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.


Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.

[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A mars-upial

There was a really horrible sound coming from my car, so I asked Siri to identify it.

Skrillex.

Damn Social media

Facebook wants to know "What's on my mind?"
Twitter wants to know "What's happening?"
Google wants to know "Where I am?"
Siri/Alexa wants me to "Say something"!
Damn, the internet is turning into an online wife!

What are the two most disruptive words you can say on stage at a political rally?

"Hey Siri"

I tried to use the password "beefstew" for my iTunes account.

But Siri said it wasn't stroganoff.

What do you call a country made by Apple?

Siri Lanka

You know you’ve been in quarantine long enough when..

Your Siri maps suggestion says “8 seconds to the living room!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife overheard me having phone sex yesterday. She stormed into the room demanding answers

I told her it wasn’t anyone she knew but it was SiriOS.

Why should you never borrow Rick Astley’s complete collection of Pixar movies?

He’s never gonna give you Up.

Credit: Siri

What do you call a dog that does magic?

A labracadabrador


(this joke was courtesy of Siri)

On The Money

Me : Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?


Siri : The second page of a Google search.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need to save a bit of money during the lock-down.

I am getting rid of Google, Siri and Alexa, and I am going to sell all of my Wikipedia and Guinness World record books. I don't need them anymore.



My fucking wife knows everything.

Timmy and the Doctor (translated from Chinese)

Hope I translated this ok, it’s one of the jokes Siri tells if you ask in Chinese.

Timmy wasn’t feeling so great one day, so he decided to go see the doctor.

After an hour, the doctor couldn’t stand it any more. So he strode over to the window, cracked it open, and shouted, “Hey, kid! ...

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

What’s the difference between an Apple user and an android user.

Say “nine hundred and eleven” to Siri for the punchline.

Why didn't the Chinese man have an iPhone?

He thought they were siri.

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