What do you call a flat and acrobatic fish?

A mantle ray.

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has just been deported.

Now we don't have Oleg to stand on.

An Acrobat found out that his wife was cheating on him

He flipped

What did the accountant tell the acrobat?

“You have some outstanding balance!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

Do you know what catches a Russian acrobat when they fall?

"Nyet."

What do you call an acrobat in shark infested waters?

A balanced breakfast.

Why did the adobe acrobat document go to jail?

Because it was a pdf file.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple was having dinner at the diner where they had their first date.

The husband said, "it's so nice to be back here after all these years."

"Yes," agreed the wife, "do you remember our first date here 50 years ago?"

"How could I forget?" Answered the husband, "you took me behind that building there across the street and let me put you up against the fe...

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What's the difference between acrobats and high priced hookers? (NSFW)

One has cunning stunts, the other has stunning cunts.

Why can't a broke man do acrobatics?

His balance is terrible

I heard that Kim Jong Un invented Adobe Acrobat...

...Or maybe they're both just supreme readers.

So a fellow walks into a bar and sees another fellow looking sad. “Hey, what’s bothering you, friend?” he says.

“All my life I’ve dreamed of being an acrobat,” the other fellow says. “But I had an inner ear deformity that affected my balance. So I became an archeologist instead. Then last week I unearthed a magic lamp and the genie inside granted me one wish. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wished for all the...

When I manage a troupe of Eastern European acrobats...

they're going to be called "Czechs and Balances", it's the only logical choice.

An acrobat and a contortionist are talking

The acrobat says to the contortionist, "Lately my boss has had me jumping through hoops to please customers". "I know how you feel" replies the contortionist. "I have to bend over backwards to get my job done"

A fighter pilot finishes refueling from a refueling plane.

The fighter pilot, feeling superior, gets on the radio and tells the refueling pilot to watch this. The fighter pilot goes through an array of aerial acrobatics. Tight twists, loops, and s-curves. He gets back on the radio and tells the refueling pilot he must be jealous cause his plane cant do that...

What do you call a gymnast covered in clay?

An adobe acrobat.

What kind of skin lotion do acrobats use?

Cirque d'Olay

Four strangers find themselves chatting on a bus ride away from New York City

They talk for a while about who they are and why they’re leaving the city. There’s a loud and charming man looking for a new start away from the big city, a contortionist tired of all the hustle and bustle, a quiet girl who gave no explanation on her past, and a woman pregnant with triplets trying t...

The Boston Zoo had a large problem.

The Boston Zoo had a very large problem. Their most popular attraction, a gorilla named Jamie, had died unexpectedly in the night. Ticket sales were projected to plummet if this gorilla couldn’t be seen, so the zoo manager decided to hire a man to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be Jami...

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A man goes to the circus

A young man named John was a huge fan of the circus all the way through childhood, he had a huge affection for the acrobatics, showmanship and the hilarious clowns.

Finally, one day, a circus came to his tiny village and he saved all his money to make the trip.

He had a great time, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a woman, she is dying in her bed in her home.

Her husband is by her side, weeping.

“You know what I would like, before dying? She asks. I’d like to make love to you one last time”.

The husband agrees.

They start slow, gentle, but taken by their passion it becomes more frenetic. He start taking her in several positions, then...

A British, A German and an American military doctor were competing on who had done the greatest accomplishment during their careers.

The Brit said that he had replaced a blown off leg with a wooden one and the man had went on to become an acrobat.



The German said that that was nothing and that he had replaced a blown off arm with a wooden one and the man had went on to become Germany's greatest drummer.

...

What does a circus performer use to read computer documents?

Adobe Acrobat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s an amazing night at the circus.

Everybody is enjoying themselves. The clowns did alot of silly tricks, the acrobats did crazy stuff, and the lion did the arbitrary jump through the “ring of fire”.
It now was time for the big finale. A woman came on stage with a crocodile. She ordered the crocodile to open his mouth. As he opens...

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Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The F...

A duck walks into a bar

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink and a light snack. The bartender takes the ducks order, despite his surprise of the customer being a duck. This happens for 3 days and so the bartender starts a conversation with the duck.
\- The past few days you've been coming here or...

A man walks into an art museum...

...saunters past a guard and rips a painting off the wall with his bare hands. The guards attempt to stop him as he runs out of the museum, but he is too quick and acrobatic and evades all of their efforts. Just out the museum doors, he hops into the back of a white van that begins speeding away wit...

Why did the vampire join the circus?

To become an acrobat.

Get your bowl ready for some Soup

Because this acrobat is about to do the splits and he has a very weak bladder

Age is not an excuse. I just caught an 80-year-old man doing exercise down a hill.

He was very acrobatic too, doing flips in his wheelchair.

Jones the farmer and his son Berwyn sign up for a sight-seeing tour in a small aircraft. As always, Jones angles for the best deal possible.

“Very well, Mr Jones,” says the pilot. “If you can go through the entire flight without making a sound, you and Berwyn can have your tickets for free.”

So the plane takes off and the pilot makes sure it’s a rough one, launching almost straight up, flying under the Severn Bridge, using every s...

Fighter jock and the cargo pilot

A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.

The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.

"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceed...

Fifty years in the pen

Louis served his thirty in solitary and would have gone crazy had he not made friends with Joe the ant. They hit it off from the start, and to pass the time Louis taught Joe little tricks like rolling over and tumbling. Joe proved to be a talented acrobat and at the end of his training could do hand...

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