UPJOKE
risesoarsurgemagnificationwhizzascensionascentrapid growthsoar upwardszoom alongwhizz alongsoar uprapid climbtravelviewfinder

Zoomed Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young stock broker had just parked his BMW

As he opened the door, a car zoomed past ripping the door from his car. A police officer happened to be walking past, and quickly ran over to the driver. “Are you alright?”, he asked. The stock broker whined, “My Beemer! Look what he did to my Beemer!” Disgusted the officer growled, “You greedy Wall...

Wow!! it is almost Xmas. I can't believe where the year has gone....

It seemed to have Zoomed by.

I never skydived before...

but I once zoomed in very fast on google maps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This actually happened

My school did hybrid in-person and remote classes this year. Some people always zoomed in for reasons, but most people went to school in person when they could. One day when we were in person, our teacher noticed that someone who usually comes in was zooming.

So he asks what's wrong and she ...

A duck was standing on the curb

Cars zoomed past the duck while he waited for a break in traffic. A chicken walked up to him and said "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."

The Grandfather and the Dalmatian

A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said anothe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was hunting in the woods with his buddy

The buddy grabbed his rifle and zoomed in and said

"Hey, I can spot your house from here. But your wife is home and she's cheating on you with another man!"

The husband, shocked, says "Not again! Ive had it with her, shoot her in the head and him in the dick."

The buddy, und...

You don't see that everyday.

A man was driving his ferrari down a country road when a farmer flagged him down and said that his tractor died in a field and needed a little help. The man agreed to help tow the farmer's tractor back to his farm. They agreed that the tractor's left blinker meant speed up and the right blinker mean...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wolf and a rabbit hated each other...

One day, the pair were walking through an enchanted forest when they discovered a magical frog trapped in a hole. The frog promised to grant them each three wishes if they helped him escape. The two rescued the frog, and after they set him safely on the ground, the frog croaked, "thank you! Now I wi...

A handsome middle-aged man was driving his Mercedes along the highway...

Deciding that since it was a nice day, and almost no one was around, he'd have some fun. He opened the throttle up, and was soon roaring down the road at just over 100mph.

He was having the time of his life, when a sudden red and blue flashing from behind stole his thunder. Deciding tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hobos ran into each other in a train yard...

One said to the other, "Man you won't believe what happened last night. I was walking down the tracks drinking my wine and there was a woman tied to the tracks, like in the old movies! So she's yelling and I'm struggling to get the ropes untied, all the while I can hear the train getting closer. Soo...

How the grandkids view us old folks (Long)

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lips...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.