Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

It was late at night and the salesman had been driving for a while

The rain was as heavy as his eyelids and, as he nodded off and lost control. The car swerved left, then right before crashing upside down into a ditch.

The guy came round, the water in the ditch lapping round his head, he pulled himself loose, feeling the blood running down his head. He stagg...

Cannibals in the night

A cannibal wakes up in the night and says to his cannibal wife "I'm starving and we ate the last missionary two days ago." His wife responds "We won't be sent a new missionary for a few days, we've got 3 children, why not have one as a snack?" He thinks it's a great idea, so he eats his youngest chi...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

NSFW: A man is exploring a cave when two large boulders fall on his leg, pinning him to the ground. A spider is the only one to hear his cries for help.

โ€œI am the elder spider of this cave and will grant you one wish!โ€ he says.
The man makes his wish and the spider calls all his brethren to watch. Thousands of spiders gather around, rubbing their hind legs and smacking their mandibles. The man is confused and a little scared but figures the sp...

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to one another on a long flight.

Bored, and thinking he could have some fun with her, the lawyer leans over and offers to play a game.
"We take turns asking each other questions. If you cannot answer my question correctly, you must give me $10. If I cannot answer a question of yours correctly, I will give you $100. Deal?"
The...

Bob Tom and Debbie are Stranded on a Desert Island

Bob, Tom, and Debbie are Stranded on a Desert Island. Barely fighting to survive, they resign themselves to months with only each other for company.


Eventually, Bob and Debbie start getting it on, doing what comes naturally in survival situations.


Not to be left out of the fun,...

A matter of conscience

A man is lying awake in the middle of the night in a hotel room, wracked with guilt because he just cheated on his wife. His conscience takes the form of a little angel and a little devil, and he's talking with them about what just happened.

The angel says, "Bill, this is the most terrible t...

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