UPJOKE
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Woozy Jokes

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

yesterday on the street I saw 2 guys vaccinating themselves

It must have been their second shot because they looked woozy pretty soon afterwards

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell.

He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good ...". The guy replies "Last night ... Last night was the worst night of my life."

"Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?"

So the guy tells his story:

...

Quasimodo needed a sub bell ringer...

Put an ad in the paper. No one showed up for weeks.
Finally a knock on the door.
Guy standing there with no arms.
Quasi is incredulous, doesn’t think he can do it.
Guy begs..”c’mon Quasi, give me a chance...as a handicapped person yourself, you know how hard it is to find work”
Quasim...

I see your multilevel meta joke and raise you a two-tiered joke.

Quasimodo was in the steeple of Notre Dame looking down on the town when he noticed a man running to the ladder of the steeple. There was something odd about the man, but from a distance, Quasimodo couldn't distinguish what it was. The man climbed the ladder, and it was evident - he had no arms. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lion walks into a bar and sits down...

He demands a drink. The bartender tells him “We don’t serve lions, I'm sorry.” The lion, becoming angry, demands again that he be served. The bartender more forcefully refuses service. The lion, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.” ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a bar

A man goes to a bar one night and gets good and liquored up. towards the end of the night he starts feeling a bit woozy and he pukes all over his shirt.

The man drunkenly turns to the guy next to him and says "Great, now what am I going to do. My wife said she would leave me if I come home d...

An armless homeless man walks into a church.

There was a help wanted sign on the door. He asks the priest what kind of help the church needs.

"Bell ringer" says the priest.
"I can ring a bell" says the armless homeless man.

The priest looked at the man with concern.

"I can do it, I really need this opportunity!" He pr...

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