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A man sees his doctor about terrible headaches he has had for most of his adult life.

The doctor isn’t sure what is going on, so arranges a scan. The scan comes back as normal, so the doctor refers the man to a neurologist who is also unable to find a cause though does offer some advice.

“I did meet one man who had similar headaches, the only thing that helped was having his t...

I proposed to my Russian girlfriend and she said yes!

I proposed to my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just as...

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Three men are out drinking and getting ready to hunt

After knocking more than a few back they decide to go hunting individually to see who could bring back the best kill.

A long day of hunting finished, the first man returns to the camp with a passable buck, and the second man returns empty handed. The two men go to work gutting the deer and wa...

What did the horse say when it fell?

*“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!”*

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A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

After a fight, my girlfriend wanted to know where we stood. I told her I loved her like Vin Diesel loves Paul Walker. She got all giddy and told me how much she loves me too.

I looked at her with confusion and clarified: "What I meant was you're dead to me."

Why was the cowboy sad?

He couldn't giddy-up.

Three couples were having afternoon tea

The first husband looks at his wife and says “Can you pass the sugar, sugar?”

The second husband looks at his wife and says “Can you pass the honey, honey?”

The third wife gets all giddy and expectantly looks at her husband, waiting for his remark. He turns to look at her and s...

Buckin' Bronco

Late one evening a mother and father were feeling frisky and started to go at it. They didn't hear little Johnny sneak into the room. The father was on top, and little Johnny hopped on his back, and yelled giddy up horsey. Immediately the father froze, absolutely mortified when he realized what was ...

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An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and getting dizzy.

He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick". Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner".

A cowboy walks into a livery stable and asks for a horse...

"I need a horse, but I'm short on cash. What can I get for $25?" the cowboy asks the owner.

"Well, for fifteen I can give you 'ol Bill. He's seen a few years but he's still a fast horse" replies the owner.

"Why so cheap then?"

"Well, he ain't so good at listening. You see, he ge...

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Today I told my priest he could go fuck himself.

He then seemed kind of giddy as he asked me, “Really? They’ve worked out time travel?”

I'm positively delighted by funny internet memes.

So much so that I frequently can't even make it to the punch line without becoming giddy with laughter.

I suffer from, premature e-joke elation.

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3 female friends sit down for coffee...

One of them starts talking about her recent sex-scapades with her husband:

"Well girls, last night when Andy came back from work he looked really tired, so I told him to go have a cold shower and I'd take care of him. When he goes to the bathroom, I wore my sexiest lingerie and laid down on t...

A man buys a horse

The man is very religious, so instead of saying, “giddy up,” for the horse to speed up, and “woah there,” for the horse to slow down, he decides to train his horse differently. Whenever he says, “Praise the Lord,” his horse will start running. Whenever he says, “Hallelujah,” the horse will slow down...

Southern University Psychology Joke

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he ...

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Long walk, short piss

A gentleman, who had been in the bar for some time, approaches the bartender.

“Hey barkeep,” the man said, “are you a betting man?”
“What barman isn’t?”
“I’ll bet you five bucks that I can bite my own elbow,” the customer posed.
“Well if you can, I’d pay five to see it.” The barten...

A man just bought a religious horse...

A man was searching for the fastest and noblest steed. Finally, after much searching, he finally found a horse he was satisfied with. Its mane was silky, its coat was glossy, and it was the finest stallion that the man has ever laid his eyes upon.

While paying for the stallion, the seller rem...

Banana juice

My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:

A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's f...

What was old is new

A man living in ancient Egypt had a great idea for a business: he would pay couriers to deliver messages professionally inscribed on stone slabs to people all over the kingdom. For a small fee, people could have an important message written down and sent anywhere on the Nile. It swiftly took off a...

A joke about screwing

A young man arrives at his dates house. After ringing the doorbell, her father answers the door and invites him inside. "My daughter is will be ready in a few minutes," he informs the young man.

So they get to talking. "Where are you taking my daughter?" asks the father.

"Oh, I'm takin...

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[Long] Three men arrive at a forest.

They have heard of a mythical lake that grants any wishes, so they went to the forest to search for it. Within 5 minutes of walking, they have miraculously found the magical lake.

The lake spirit, sensing the arrival, solidified from thin air to address the group. "Welcome to the mythical lak...

A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by...

A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by.

He's sat on the grass, chewing on a straw, watching his sheep roam around under the last rays of the setting sun. A jeep leaving behind clouds of dust stops before him, and off gets a businessman clad in an expensive suit a...

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Choose heaven or hell

A man dies and goes to heaven where he meets St. Pete. St. Pete welcomes him and says that there is a new regulation now where a soul gets to choose if they want to go to heaven or hell. The soul must spend three days in hell and three days in heaven and after that he chooses where to go.

The...

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The best man was waiting at the alter when the groom finally arrived wearing a huge smile.

"What are you so happy about?" asked the best man.

"I just got the best blow job I have ever gotten in my life and I am about to marry that woman!" laughed the groom.

Soon, the marriage procession begins and the bride is beaming with glee as she walks down the aisle. As she hands her b...

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The two whales.

In the latter part of the 19th century two whales were swimming along in the sea. Otetiani, a boy whale, and Orenda, a girl whale.

As they swam along they saw in the distance a whaling ship. Upon seeing the ship Orenda became very nervous knowing that the ship meant death for her and Otet...

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So a Suicide Bomber blows himself up and ends up in Heaven ...

... it's beautiful, but then he notices his new heavenly body has boobs! He thinks this is great, and starts grabbing them and playing with them. He's down right giddy. What a great surprise! Then he remembers he was promised other things, too. He sees God and asks "Hey, if this is heaven, where ar...

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