UPJOKE

Worse Than Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up with a dick drawn on your face?

Someone telling you it was traced on.
[edits up: guys i gotta say something - HOLY SHIT MY PHONE EXPLODED FROM REPLIES]
[edits up again: have the credits
https://youtube.com/shorts/hSK1Vyoimps?feature=share this joke was too funny not to tell]

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half of a worm

What's worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.

What worse than two girls running with scissors?

Two girls scissoring with the runs.

What's worse than a cold toilet seat?

A warm one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are only two types of people worse than racists

The blacks and the jews

What’s worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

Why is North Korea worse than South Korea?

They have no Seoul .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is nothing worse than a doctors receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of patients



I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than inciting insurrection to overturn a democratic election?

Lying about a blowjob, apparently.

What’s worse than finding out Santa isn’t real as a kid?

Finding out your parents are broke.

What is worse than a serial killer

A parallel killer, who kills multiple people at once, instead of one at a time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than having a small penis?

Nothing. Sorry if you clicked on this to make yourself feel better.

Walking with 1 leg is worse than walking with 2.

The difference is staggering.

Who would be worse than Captain obvious?

Doctor Obvious

What's worse than beating a dead horse?

Shooting a live gorilla

What do you call a rideshare app that’s worse than Uber?

Unter.

What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can?

Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.

What’s worse than having diarrhea and a clogged toilet?

Nothing, please someone help me out

What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic?

Having to go in and ask for a coathanger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?

Having high voltage electrodes attached to your testicles and being flogged senseless with a knotted rope.

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis

My mother always told me that there’s nothing worse than running with scissors

Now that I’m older, I realize there’s one worse thing: scissoring with the runs

Why is a stock market crash worse than a divorce?

Because you lose half of your money but your wife is still there

Some idiot bet me $50 that I couldn't name an illness worse than aids.

I said "I definitely *can sir*".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than a registered sex offender

An unregistered sex offender

What's worse than rushing to the liquor store 5 minutes before it closes?

Getting there 30 minutes before it opens.

What's worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's lost wedding ring inside her whilst your doing it!

What’s worse than sitting on Santa’s lap and he gets a woody?

When he stands up and you don’t slide off.

What's worse than a receding hairline?

An advancing hairline

The only thing worse than a head-on collision is...

The only thing worse than a head on collision is a head-off collision.

What's a headline that's worse than "Missing person remains missing"

"Missing person's remains found"

What's Worse Than A Giraffe With Sore Throat?

A centipede with sore feet

What’s worse than marriage jokes?

Being married

What’s worse than losing $100?

Losing the game.

What's worse than tennis elbow?

Golf Balls

what's worse than being adopted?

finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.

What's worse than the doctor putting his hand on your shoulder during a prostate exam?

The doctor putting two hands on your shoulders during a prostate exam.

What's worse than losing all of your arms and legs?

Living in ohio

What's worse than hearing someone brag about how flexible they are?

Watching them toot their own horn.

What is worse than two children in a trash bin?

One child in two trash bins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used Condom hanging off your dick...

Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started.

What's worse than stubbing your toe?

Getting hit by a car.

What's worse than an elephant in the china shop?

A hedgehog in the condom factory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is only one thing that’s worse than sexism

Women

Whats worse than one bee sting?

Two bee stings


Whats worse than two bee stings?


The holocaust


Whats worse than the holocaust?




Three bee stings

What is worse than a Boy Scout in your pocket?

A Brownie in your pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than seeing your mother in a porno?

Seeing you mother in a pregnant porno.

What's worse than laughing alone at your own joke?

Hearing another laugh when you were trying out the joke alone.

The only tihng worse than a repost? A repost with a typo.

It’s just reposterous.

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your

heeeeeeeeead,


in your heeeeeead,


in your head, in your head,


in your hea, hea, head

Why are written puns worse than puns spoken aloud?

Puns on paper are tearable.

What's worse than seeing a condom in a second hand store?

Coming back to find it sold.

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