Dizzy Jokes - 50 Hilarious Dizzy Jokes

I've been feeling really dizzy since yesterday

I think I need to stop these New Year revolutions.

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and getting dizzy.

He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick". Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner".

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde

...flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over ...

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An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now ...

Did you hear about the dizzy marsupial?

It was a wobbly wallaby.

It’s hard to tell, as I’m so dizzy from twirling, but

it looks like the rest of the losers in this spin class are just sitting on bikes!

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

Why did the fisherman always feel dizzy?

Because he had an eye-on the-fish-and-sea.

What do you call Clark Kent when he's dizzy?

Stuporman.

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

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A man with no arms is homeless and looking for a job.

He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says:
"Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?"
The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says:
"You see that bell up in the tower? ...

Ever heard of the wizard with the poor sense of balance?

He only knows dizzy spells.

had to throw out my carbon monoxide detector tonight.

All that beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

Do you feel Nauseous while filling up your vehicle?

Dizzy when you go in to pay?

You might be suffering from CarOwner Virus.

I wish I knew how to turn off my carbon monoxide alarm....

It's been going off for about fifteen minutes and the noise is making really dizzy and lightheaded.

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A woman's birthday was in just a few days...

Her husband asked her if she could have anything she wanted on her birthday, no matter how impossible, what would it be?

The wife told him "It's kind of silly, but I'd really like to be six again."

That gave the husband a great idea for a big surprise. On the morning of her birthday, h...

The Shortcut

The shortest way from a pub towards the neighborhood was through a cemetery. One night, a man that was not that drunk, decides to take the shortcut but ends up falling into a freshly dug grave.

The grave was quite deep for him and the man lifted himself on the toes trying to feel the top edge...

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus that can play any instrument in the world. Everyone laughs, so he says he'll bet $50. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopu...

This is an old one

A man goes to the doctor and says:

-Doctor, everytime I get up after sleeping, I feel dizzy for half an hour, but then I'm fine.

To which the doctor replies:

-Then wait half an hour before you get up.

Van Gogh Family

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:

* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his ma...

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Two liars went for a swim.

Now these two were a dad and his son. The dad climbed a boulder and proceeded to dive into the water. He got his foot stuck between some rocks and struggled to release his feet for around 2 minutes before swimming back to the surface.

Son: You were under for quite a while there. What happene...

Do this at your own risk!

If you say "bloody mary" 3 times at exactly 2 am in the morning in front of a mirror and you spin 10 times, you get dizzy

My Uncle John's Bathroom Reader calendar has these jokes from Philogelos ("Love of Laughter"), the oldest surviving joke book, dating back to the 4th century AD. They held up surprisingly well.

* A cheapskate wrote his will and named himself as the heir.
* An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied, "When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by."
* An envious landlord saw how happy hi...

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So my friend brought me to an amusement park...

...and we got onto one of the rides. It was one of those really whirly ones, and afterward we got off and I wanted to throw up. My friend got me a bag to throw up in.

After that, I started feeling dizzy. I told him, and he thought it may have been dehydration. We went to get drinks.

T...

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I'm sorry your mother in law is dead

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead he says..how did it happen?

Well it was very unfortunate..she tried to stand up but got dizzy and caught the curtains and ripped them.

oh, thats how she died

no, from the thrust she hit the 65' inch tv and fell on the crystal table.

so...

Confusing

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who t...

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A neurologist is running late...

"I have a condition that gives me a seizure whenever I get dizzy," one of them says, hoping to break the ice with another bored patient.

"Are you taking anything for it?" she asks.

"Oh yes, anti-epileptics and Dramamine."

After a long silence, she sheepishly adds: "I hav...

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A visit to the doctor

"I want to prescribe you a new cutting edge drug against depression. But I have good news and bad news about the drug"

"I would prefer to hear bad news first".

"Okay. Bad news are that said drug has many side-effects. You will feel dizzy, tired, bad taste in your mouth, per...

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

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Sick Dwarf

So two Dwarves are walking through the woods when one of them starts to feel really queasy, he turns to the other dwarf and says, ‘I really do not feel well! I feel really dizzy and light headed’
The second dwarf tells his sick pal to sit down on a tree stump put his head between his legs and tak...

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Ike calls his wife from the police station. He says he was arrested during 80’s night at the local bar.

“What happened?”, inquired his wife.

“You see...”, Ike replies, “...they were playing 80’s music that night, and drunk me had the bright idea of doing something related to the song that was playing at that moment.”

“...Would you mind elaborating?”

“Ok then,” sighed Ike, “One tim...

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A man wakes up in hospital...

Being still dizzy, he looks around in hopes of understanding what is going on. He sees a nurse beside his bed and asks her what has happened. The nurse says: "You were in a terrible car accident. You were lucky the doctors got to you on time... you were put together practically piece by piece... but...

Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: M...

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

Quasimodo needed a sub bell ringer...

Put an ad in the paper. No one showed up for weeks.
Finally a knock on the door.
Guy standing there with no arms.
Quasi is incredulous, doesn’t think he can do it.
Guy begs..”c’mon Quasi, give me a chance...as a handicapped person yourself, you know how hard it is to find work”
Quasim...

A husband and wife are arguing...

"What would you do if I won the lottery?" he demands.

"I'd take half the money and be gone so fast you'd be dizzy," she replies.

"My scratch ticket won ten bucks. Here's five. Let me get the door."

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Man walks into a bar with an Octopus

He puts the octopus on the bar and declares to everyone in the pub ‘£50 says this octopus can play any instrument’. First man steps up and places a trumpet in front of the Octopus, it immediately picks it up and plays it like Dizzy Gillespie. ‘That’s amazing’ says the man and duly pays his £50. Seco...

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Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

Signs you drink too much coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

- You ski uphill.

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You lick your coffeepot clean.

- You're the employee of ...

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So a man walks into a pub he's never been before...

As he walks up to the bartender he sees a big jar full of 50 dollar buck bills. Wondering what the story behind it might be he asks the bartender:" Mate, what's that jar for and why does it have so much money in it."

"Well", the bartender replies with a smile "it's a challenge bet, which is ...

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Robin Hucking

I once knew a guy named Robin. Robin Hucking. Yes, Robin. He hated his name. Everyone called him Hucking, or Huck.

Great guy. Best friend I ever had. Right up to the day he died.

Hucking did have one problem. He was a high rise construction worker with a bad case of acr...

The husband and the horse.

The husband seated, reading his newspaper when his wife, furious, came from the kitchen and hits him in the head with a skillet .
Startled, he gets up and asks:
- Why did you do that? She responds: - I found this is the piece of paper in your pants with Mary's name and number. - Honey, remembe...

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A guy is sitting at the bar with a worried look on his face.

The bartender sees him and says "Hey man, are you alright?"
The guy says "I'm not sure but I'm thinking there's something's wrong with me."
The bartender asks him "Do you have any idea of what might be wrong?"
The guy explains, "Well before I go to work, my wife jumps me and we have s...

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A poor old woman..,

Needs money desperately. She sees an advertisement stating she can get 100 dollars for giving blood.

The next day she goes into the clinic, gives blood and gets her 100 dollars. She is told she can't come back for three months.

She is so desperate she goes back the next week and then...

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Man tells his wife he's going for a walk

but as he's walking around town he finds himself at his favorite bar taking a seat in front of the bartender.
"shot of Salior please", the man requests.
the bartender pours him the shot and takes a 20 from the man.
the man downs the shot and orders another.
time passes by, more shots are...

Long ago, there was a cathedral...

The old bell ringer had passed away and the bishop set out a sign announcing that the position was now open for new applicants. A few weeks go by without any bites, but one day a man comes in. The man had a hunched back and no arms, so the bishop was leary of his ability to perform the job, but t...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

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A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

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The corniest dirty joke ever

There are three guys lost in the desert. They have been wandering around for weeks, and are somehow still alive, yet they are on the brink of death. They crawl over a sand dune and all stop, staring into the distance with their mouths agape.

"Do you see that?" the first guy says. "Yup," the o...

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