What did the dog say to Woody after accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear?

You got a friend in me.

What did Woody say to Buzz Lightyear?

A lot of stuff, there's 4 whole movies plus some short films.

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If Woody Harrelson married James Woods, he'd be Woody Woods.

And that'd make a his schlong Woody Woods' pecker.

Woody and Jessy were doing intimate things

Woody stops and asks, “Does this mean we are a thing?”. Jessie doesn’t answer and starts whispering “*I got a friend in me..*”

Woody walks in on Little Bo Peep and Buzz Light year in the bedroom...

Woody, baffled, says "What is going on here??"

Bo Peep Replies: "You've got a friend in me?"

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What did Jessie say to woody after doing anal for the first time?

“There’s a snake in my booty!”

Sorry, bad joke but I thought if it last night and kinda half chuckled

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Control your Woody

Trevor has a dance coming up and he wants to ask out Sally. He would do anything to go with her and he knows she doesn't have a date. The only problem is that whenever he sees her he gets an extremely large boner. Before he asks her, he practices not getting a boner but nothing works. So he decides ...

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys.

They probably have the same names

Woody Harrelson was heard recently to have increased interest in computer technology

Especially the RAM part.

What did woody say when he got std’s?

“Someone poisoned the water hole’

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

A Woody Joke

What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car


With Wooden Seats


Wooden Tires


And A Wooden Engine?


It Wooden't Start

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[NSFW] What is Woody Woodpecker's girlfriend's name?

Suzy Splintercunt

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

\-"A little early isn't it, Woody?"

\-"For a beer?"

\-"No, for stupid questions."

A gem from the YouTube comment section

"This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -Woody Allen

Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

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Toy Story

What's a mix of Viagra and alcohol have in common with Toy Story?

You get a buzz and a woody.

What did woody and buzz say to your mom?

"Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."

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A man has not gotten laid in a while.

A man has not gotten laid in a while. So his friends suggests a prostitute. He is not sure about it at first, but he goes.

That night, the man finds her and drives her to a hotel. On the drive, the man decides to try and to brighten the mood. He looks at her and says "Hey, they call me woody ...

I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!

A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: **"HALT!"**

**"*****I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"***

Peasant: *"I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"*...

Just saw "Cheers: The Musical"

My Thoughts? A little too much Danson.



Also, some of the acting was woody.

Yes, Buzz Lightyear could kill all the other toys

But Woody?

I’m so excited for the new Toy Story action figures!

I’m getting a woody.....

An ageing maple and a gnarled oak were standing on the crest of a hill overlooking a verdant glen.

"You see that young sapling down there," said the oak. "I'm thinking it's a son of a birch."

"No," said the maple. "I'd wager it's a son of a beech."

Just then a ruddy woodpecker landed on a branch nearby.

"Hey Woody," said the maple. "Would you do us a favour and fly down to th...

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After 12 years of regular sessions, my therapist said something that made me cry immensely.

"No habla Ingles".



^(Courtesy of Woody Allen (I think))

New Toy Story announced for 2020, starring Andy’s mum’s toys

That are also called Woody and Buzz.

Every morning, I stay in bed until I've watched Toy Story all the way through from start to finish.

That way I always wake up with a morning Woody.

What do you call a mans exaggeration of his length?

Woody's round up.

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Taking the Good with the Bad!!!

This old man has his son put him in a retirement home. On his first day there he wakes up with a hardon and a nurse comes in and gives him head. He calls his son and says, "Son, thank you so much for sending me here. I woke up with a woody and the nurse gave me a blowjob! This is fantastic. I love t...

A girl I just started dating asked me if I had been circumcised...

I told her, “No, I don’t get a woody, I get a hoody.”

I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story

It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.

Son of a beech?

An oak and a maple were standing at the edge of a bluff gazing out over the vast expanse when they noticed a young sapling in the glen below.

"Oh look," said the oak. "A young son of a beech."

"Actually I think it's son of a birch," said the maple.

They turned to a male woodpe...

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Pillsbury Doughboy

So, the Pillsbury Doughboy was walking down the street one day minding his own business when Woody from Toystory happens upon him. The two recognize each other and say hello, and have a little chat. As the pair were saying their good byes, Woody asks "Can I poke your belly." Doughboy says "I would r...

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"Don't knock masturbation..."

"It's sex with someone you love."... Woody Allen.

Moar...

'Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.'

And lastly...

'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'

After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz.

Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a Woody.

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

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The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

Name three things that come in a little yellow box

Kodak film, Dots candy and Woody Allen.

Two rabbits were chased by hounds

They ran until they couldn't run anymore. Holed up in a hollow log, the rabbits were safely out of reach while the hounds bayed outside.

The boy rabbit looked at the girl rabbit and asked, "What do we do now?"

"We stay here until we outnumber them."
- Woody Guthrie

New Job.......

Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Barry’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table.
BARRY: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a...

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