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Woody and Buzz Lightyear made a porno

Its called Ive got a friend in me

What did woody say when he got std’s?

“Someone poisoned the water hole’

Woody walks in on Little Bo Peep and Buzz Light year in the bedroom...

Woody, baffled, says "What is going on here??"

Bo Peep Replies: "You've got a friend in me?"

What did bo-peep say to woody when he caught her in bed with buzz?

You’ve got a friend in me

I ran into Woody Allen the other day...

I said, “Hey Woody, that’s a beautiful daughter you got there.” He said, “Daughter? No, no she used to be my daughter, now she’s my wife.” Then I said, “That sounds illegal.” He said, “No, no, no it’s not illegal. It’s Oedipul.”

Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

What did Buzz say to Woody?

A lot, I mean there were three movies and a couple short films in that franchise.

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[NSFW] What is Woody Woodpecker's girlfriend's name?

Suzy Splintercunt

A Woody Joke

What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car


With Wooden Seats


Wooden Tires


And A Wooden Engine?


It Wooden't Start

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Woody and Buzz

Or as I call them, dildo and vibrator.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What did woody and buzz say to your mom?

"Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."

Woody Allen and Louis C.K. die and go to hell (obviously)

Woody Allen and Louis C.K. die and go to hell (obviously). When they get there, Louis' eternal torture is to be forever trapped in the body of an eleven-year-old girl left in the unsupervised care of Woody Allen. Woody Allen's punishment is to be forever trapped in the body of Woody Allen.

I’m so excited for the new Toy Story action figures!

I’m getting a woody.....

An ageing maple and a gnarled oak were standing on the crest of a hill overlooking a verdant glen.

"You see that young sapling down there," said the oak. "I'm thinking it's a son of a birch."

"No," said the maple. "I'd wager it's a son of a beech."

Just then a ruddy woodpecker landed on a branch nearby.

"Hey Woody," said the maple. "Would you do us a favour and fly down to th...

I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!

A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: **"HALT!"**

**"*****I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"***

Peasant: *"I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"*...

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After 12 years of regular sessions, my therapist said something that made me cry immensely.

"No habla Ingles".



^(Courtesy of Woody Allen (I think))

Yes, Buzz Lightyear could kill all the other toys

But Woody?

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Toy Story 4 introduces sex toys...

Incidentally enough, they're also named Woody and Buzz.

Every morning, I stay in bed until I've watched Toy Story all the way through from start to finish.

That way I always wake up with a morning Woody.

New Toy Story announced for 2020, starring Andy’s mum’s toys

That are also called Woody and Buzz.

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What do you call a drunk, horny guy?

Toy story

Because he's got a Buzz and he's got a Woody

What do you call a mans exaggeration of his length?

Woody's round up.

A girl I just started dating asked me if I had been circumcised...

I told her, “No, I don’t get a woody, I get a hoody.”

I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story

It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.

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Taking the Good with the Bad!!!

This old man has his son put him in a retirement home. On his first day there he wakes up with a hardon and a nurse comes in and gives him head. He calls his son and says, "Son, thank you so much for sending me here. I woke up with a woody and the nurse gave me a blowjob! This is fantastic. I love t...

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Pillsbury Doughboy

So, the Pillsbury Doughboy was walking down the street one day minding his own business when Woody from Toystory happens upon him. The two recognize each other and say hello, and have a little chat. As the pair were saying their good byes, Woody asks "Can I poke your belly." Doughboy says "I would r...

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

-"A little early isn't it, Woody?"

-"For a beer?"

-"No, for stupid questions."

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz.

Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a Woody.

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The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

Son of a beech?

An oak and a maple were standing at the edge of a bluff gazing out over the vast expanse when they noticed a young sapling in the glen below.

"Oh look," said the oak. "A young son of a beech."

"Actually I think it's son of a birch," said the maple.

They turned to a male woodpe...

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"Don't knock masturbation..."

"It's sex with someone you love."... Woody Allen.

Moar...

'Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.'

And lastly...

'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'

Two rabbits were chased by hounds

They ran until they couldn't run anymore. Holed up in a hollow log, the rabbits were safely out of reach while the hounds bayed outside.

The boy rabbit looked at the girl rabbit and asked, "What do we do now?"

"We stay here until we outnumber them."
- Woody Guthrie

New Job.......

Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Barry’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table.
BARRY: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a...

Name three things that come in a little yellow box

Kodak film, Dots candy and Woody Allen.

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