This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s, looks around, spots a beautiful diamond necklace and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely at it, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesman wasn’...

Whoops, almost forgot to bring my llamas

Alpaca pair

“Do you really have to lick the knife!?” she asked with a disapproving frown. “Whoops! Sorry! Force of habit.” I said, chuckling. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?!”

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

Just had a quickie in the back of a UPS truck

Oh whoops... They prefer the term "expedited package delivery"

Whoops.. No Present

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

How do you say "whoops" in German?

World War 2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor is finishing up his semen on Sunday morning...whoops typo.

Sorry, Sunday afternoon.

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

I need help with my sewing

Whoops, wrong thread

TIFU by hiding in poison oak

Whoops, wrong shrub

TIL: After Pearl Harbor, US warships fired upon friendly u boats heading back to port.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Im giving up drinking for a year

Whoops, that came out wrong

Im giving up, drinking for a year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde comes home from school munching on a candy bar...

Her mom asks her where she got it.

"I got it from Johnny! All I had to do was climb the flag pole at school!" she says.

"Oh, Jenny! You're such a dumb-ass. He was just trying to look up your skirt and see your panties!"

"Whoops!" Jenny says.

The next day she comes home,...

What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?

Whoops, my fault.

I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokèStops...

a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

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A man and his wife go on a date to a new restaurant...

They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day. When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor. "Whoops" he says and turns to the waiter "I'm terribly sorry but could I have another..." the waiter whips a fresh spoon out of his top ...

The DJ accidently turned the bass down low.

Whoops, that was a lot of treble.

I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet

Whoops, E-Daisies

A calculus joke:

A 120 pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

TIFU by accidentally cutting down by neighbour's hedge instead of my own

Whoops, wrong shrub.

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood

Whoops, wrong sub

A man walks into a bar, and is torn apart in seconds.

Whoops, sorry. Bear\*

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Does only being able to recycle number 1 and 2 plastics upset anyone else?

I just moved to a new city and they don’t recycle anything above a 2. Is it like this in a lot of places? I hope I can find somewhere to drop off my other plastics.

TIL you can lose your job as a dominatrix by whipping the wrong guy.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Re

Whoops, look like I got caught Re-posting...

[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock...

Whoops, wrong sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It really annoys me when Americans act like they cracked the secret of Nazi codes when they took the Enigma machine off U-751.

Whoops, wrong sub.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

My girlfriend asked me "if I was a vegetable, what would I be"?

Apparently the answer she was looking for was "a Cute cumber", not "single"...whoops

I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband.

Whoops, wrong sub.

V

V.

Whoops, lost ctrl.

TIL that, in 1917, England mistook an Italian maritime transport for a German one, so they attacked it.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by accidentally walking out with the footlong BLT of the guy ahead of me in line

Whoops, wrong sub

TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by putting ham in a muslim lady's foot long

Whoops wrong sub

Edit: Apparently this is the original version of the joke https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2qmkf0/tifu_by_mixing_up_by_wifes_sandwich_order_at/

So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian...

Whoops, wrong sub.

LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups.

Whoops, wrong bus.

TIFU by getting into the wrong car after the European Auto Show.

whoops, wrong Saab

I took the number 25 instead of the 52 today thanks to my dyslexia

Whoops, wrong bus

TIL that Nikola Tesla threw the bomb that killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand, sparking WWI...

Whoops, wrong Serb.

Girls that like me

*edit: Whoops, looks like I put the joke in title. My bad.

TIL that a class was taught by the wrong stand in teacher and the students knowingly went along with it.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by getting on the normal bus instead of the dyslexic one

Whoops, wrong bus.

I am one of the only survivors of the Kursk submarine incident. Ask Me Anything!

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.

Whoops, wrong sub.

My vacuum cleaner recently had babies

Oh whoops, I meant my dog

Did you hear the joke about that terrible high security prison?

Whoops, sorry, it escaped me.

If you ever trip in public...

...get up, laugh a little, and say, "Whoops, it's been awhile since I inhabited a body."

TIFU by watching Anime on a non-English website

Whoops, wrong dub

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss...

Whoops, wrong sub

[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...

Whoops, wrong thread.

TIFU when my dyslexia made me take the wrong ride to work

Whoops, wrong bus

[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport

Whoops, wrong bus

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