Oooh Jokes

About 3 inches.

2 inches.


Credit goes to the random old lady who told me the joke :p

Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah

Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot

Oooh, oooh, ah, Aahhh!

Oooh I’m shaking

Oooh that tickles

3 nuns are in a bus in Colombia, which due to budget cuts breaks it's axle, rolls over, and kills them all. When they come to, they realize that the three of them are in a cloud-filled place standing in front of an elderly man at a dais, behind whom are enormous, gold-plated gates, which at the mom... read more

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.

“Oooh, ooooh, I’m a moth, I’m a moth!” he exclaims. 

 “This is dentist, not a psychiatrist,” says the receptionist, “why did you come in here?“ 

 “Your light was on,” says the man.

Me: Plays three seconds of the SpongeBob Sweet Victory clip.

My Girlfriend: Oooh you dirty tease!

Woman to her husband while at it: "Oooh honey. Please say some dirty things to me!"



Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

After a short while an Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman are stopped at the gates by St. Patrick, who says, “Sorry, it’s crowded up here, you each need to answer a question correctly, or else you can’t enter Heaven. St. Patrick looks at the Irishman and asks "What was the name of the famous oce... read more

3 nuns die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the golden gates.

St. Peter said “You each have to answer 1 question. If the answer is right you can enter heaven and if you answer wrong you go straight to hell.”

He calls the first nun and asks “Who did God make first?”
Very hap... read more

Ladies, if a man brings you breakfast whilst you are still in bed, he wants to hear: "Oooh, that is so cute, thank you! I love you!" and not "HOW THE FRAK DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE YOU FRAKKING CREEP?!?!?!".



Just FYI.

A little bird fell out of the nest and went to explore the surrounding world.

Soon he meets a large, hairy animal and asks:

– "Hello, I'm a little bird. Who are you?"

– "Hello. I'm the Wolf\-dog"

– "A wolf\-dog? That's weird! How can you be a wolf\-dog? You can either be ... read more

Your lover says "Oooh, more, deeper, longer!"
Your says "Cmon, cmon, let's get this over with!"
Your wife says "Beige! Beige! I'm going to paint the ceiling beige."

On of them goes out for a hunt, turns back with his mouth full of blood. Both are impressed, "damn dude what did you catch?" "You see that pile of flesh? Well that was a big fat cat, juicy blood!".

The second one goes out, turns back within an hour, whole face covered in blood. "Wooah man, te... read more

...but everyone looked at me REALLY weird when I said "oooh, I LOVE child corn" in a crowded restaurant.

When they arrive, Gabriel is there and says "Each of you must answer a question correctly to enter heaven."

His question to the first nun was "What was the name of the first woman?" and she replies "Eve!" And of course thats right, so on she goes.

His question to the second nun was "Wh... read more

One shark sees a school of sardines, and says "bro you hungry?" and the other shark says "nah, I'm good. You go for it." So the first shark swims right into the sardines, and nom-nom-noms on hundreds of the little fishes. Minutes later, the shark curls up in pain. "Oooh, aaaagh, uuuurgh...." the sec... read more

One farmer looks over the other's shoulder and spots two cows grazing on the field behind him.
He asks the farmer "-By the way, how much milk do you actually get out of a cow?"
"The white one or the black one?" The other farmer asks.
"Oh, the white one then." Says the first farmer. "A... read more

Three Nuns die in a car crash, and find themselves at the pearly gates.

St. Peter stops them, stating "Ladies, I appreciate your position, but there's a new policy in place from upstairs. To enter unto Heaven, you must demonstrate some knowledge of The Bible."

He asks the first Nun. "W... read more