UPJOKE
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Do you know how Vikings sent secret messages to one another?

They used the Norse Code.

The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar

to watch the Super Bowl.

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

What are the Vikings favorite drink?

Mini Sodas

What stories did Vikings tell their children?

Norsery Rhymes

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

How do Vikings get each other's attention?

They ValHolla!

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

Vikings aren't afraid of death.

... they know they'll be Bjørn again.

Where do redneck vikings go when they die?

Y'allhalla

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

What does vikings call english villages?

Chopping centers.

What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common?

Neither one has a title

Why can’t the Minnesota Vikings eat cereal for breakfast?

They choke when they get too close to a bowl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of 100 people dressed up as Vikings, promoting the new exhibition at the Smithsonian, was seen parading in front of the White House today.

Famously uncivilised, destructive and rapacious, with an almost insatiable appetite for rough sex and heavy drinking, the US Senators nonetheless came out to watch the parade.

Wanna here a joke about Vikings?

Never mind, there’s Norway you’d laugh at it.
- my sister

Why were the Vikings such good sailors?

You can lead a Norse to water but you can’t make him sink.

I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.

Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

The Pope, the Packers & the Vikings

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the ja...

What type of cars do Vikings drive?

Fjords...

Where do Vikings go when they get old?

The Norsing home

Benny the Bare Faced Viking

Benny was your typical Viking..
Strong, tall, courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one..
See Benny couldn't grow a beard, for all his 30 winters on Earth, he still had just as smooth a face as the day he was born.
This bothered Benny, because when he was out pillag...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Vikings were the ones that took it upon themselves to spread sexual education to the world around them

*Even if it had to be mandatory*




Which kinda made it a constant pain in the ass

Vikings kicker Blair Walsh apparently attempted suicide last night.

He ended up being just fine, he was unable to kick the chair out from under him.

What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?

Barberians.

Why couldn't women be vikings?

Because they only made mail armour.

In the old days Vikings went raiding for gold and women...

In the old days Vikings went raiding for gold and women.

Many were the countries where they landed and from each ‘visit’, they always brought back gold and women...until the day they landed in England.

From England they only brought back the gold.

Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?

Because of their skills in hacking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of the Vikings/Packers game on Saturday...

How can you tell if a Packers fan is mad at you?

They grit their tooth at you.

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

Ole and Sven go to Hell

Ole and Sven, ignoring the -60 degree windchill warnings, froze to death while ice fishing in northern Minnesota and descend to Hell.

Coming to check on his new arrivals from up North, Satan is surprised to find Ole and Sven enjoying themselves, finally removing coats and hats that they've ...

Some Minnesotans went to hell.

They were so happy that it was nice and warm there. So, Satan turned the heat down, The Minnesotans then were happy because when hell freezes over, the Minnesota Vikings will win the Super Bowl.

Why do trees in Wisconsin lean south East?

Because the Bears suck and the Vikings blow

A Chicago Bears' fan, a Minnesota Viking's fan, and a Detroit Lions' fan find a genie in a bar...

The 3 fans are sitting at the bar when suddenly, a genie comes out of a bottle of vodka the bartender opens.
[](/sp)
The genie says to the bartender: "Congratulations, you have released me from my prison, and to repay you for that, I shall allow you to make 3 wishes your heart most desires an...

Roman soldiers are trained...

...But Vikings are Bjorn.

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