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Vikings Jokes

Benny the Viking

Benny was your typical Viking. Strong, tall and courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one.

See, Benny couldn’t grow a beard. For all his 30 winters on Earth, he still had just as smooth a face as the day he was born.

This bothered Benny, because when he was out p...

The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar

To watch the Super Bowl

How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code!

What stories did Vikings tell their children?

Norsery Rhymes

Hey guys, why did Vikings put barcodes on there battleship?

So when they get back to the port, they can scan-the-navy-in!

Went to a Vikings game with my family and decided I wanted a drink. Wanted the big soda but when I saw the price I decided.....

a Minnesota will do.

What are the Vikings favorite drink?

Mini Sodas

What does vikings call english villages?

Chopping centers.

Where do redneck vikings go when they die?

Y'allhalla

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

Wanna here a joke about Vikings?

Never mind, there’s Norway you’d laugh at it.
- my sister

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

my daughter made this gem up: what is the most popular console with the vikings?

the axe-box

Why were the Vikings such good sailors?

You can lead a Norse to water but you can’t make him sink.

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Why don't the Minnesota Vikings eat cereal?

Every time they get close to the bowl, they choke!

Where do Vikings go when they get old?

The Norsing home

What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common?

Neither one has a title

The Pope, the Packers & the Vikings

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the ja...

I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.

Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

Vikings kicker Blair Walsh apparently attempted suicide last night.

He ended up being just fine, he was unable to kick the chair out from under him.

Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?

Because of their skills in hacking

What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?

Barberians.

In the old days Vikings went raiding for gold and women...

In the old days Vikings went raiding for gold and women.

Many were the countries where they landed and from each ‘visit’, they always brought back gold and women...until the day they landed in England.

From England they only brought back the gold.

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

Roman soldiers are trained...

...But Vikings are Bjorn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Vikings were the ones that took it upon themselves to spread sexual education to the world around them

*Even if it had to be mandatory*




Which kinda made it a constant pain in the ass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of the Vikings/Packers game on Saturday...

How can you tell if a Packers fan is mad at you?

They grit their tooth at you.

Why do trees in Wisconsin lean south East?

Because the Bears suck and the Vikings blow

Some Minnesotans went to hell.

They were so happy that it was nice and warm there. So, Satan turned the heat down, The Minnesotans then were happy because when hell freezes over, the Minnesota Vikings will win the Super Bowl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of 100 people dressed up as Vikings, promoting the new exhibition at the Smithsonian, was seen parading in front of the White House today.

Famously uncivilised, destructive and rapacious, with an almost insatiable appetite for rough sex and heavy drinking, the US Senators nonetheless came out to watch the parade.

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

Why are Norwegian women so hot?

The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones!

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