UPJOKE
shocktraumatiseinjureterrifydemoralizeimpoverishmutilatehorrifymindstressemotionalcoholanxietywoundflashback

Why was 10 traumatized?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Cookie Monster was so traumatized the other day.

He had nom flashbacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was about 9 years old

When I was about 9 years old

When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.

Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happ...

As a child I was traumatized by the priest

He was cheating on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sean Connery was so traumatized he stopped giving oral sex

After that time he told a woman to sit on his face.


(Might be old, but made me laugh nonetheless)

As a child my priest traumatized me.

He cheated on me with another altar boy.

Supermarket cashiers must be really traumatized if they land in the ICU

Beep, beep, beep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a woman who had a hundred children

She was a bit of an eccentric - you'd have to be to have a hundred kids after all. And so, she decided to give her children names after the order they were born in. So she had one, two, three, four, all the way through to hundred.

Her husband was eventually unable to keep up with the pressur...

I was slightly traumatized while canning some food.

It was a jarring experience.

If you get traumatized by K-pop...

...Do you get BTSD?

"Daddy, where does poo come from?"

The father, thought for a moment and said "you're old enough to learn about this"

So they sit down and talk. About five minutes later, the son, visibly traumatized asks "what about Eeyore and Piglet?"

Traumatized son

A young boy, an only child no more than ten years old, wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

As he is walking to the restroom, he opens his parents' bedroom door and sees them copulating quite vigorously. The boy screams in horror. The mom throws the dad off and attempts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my bathroom might be traumatized....

I don’t know, it just looks like my toilet has seen some shit

What's the difference between an insult and a traumatized child?

One is used by abrasive people, and the other was also raised by abusive people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the proctologist do to his traumatized male patient?

He rectum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A golfer is absolutely killing it out on the course. (Long)

He’s playing at one of those residential courses surrounded by beautiful homes.

He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.

He’s going so fast that he misreads a curve and ends up topp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

Once there was a man and he had 5 dogs.

Once there was a man and he had 5 dogs. Every day he went walking with the dogs. Once day, he met a woman with 5 cats. They got talking and soon they were meeting everyday. They walked from the local supermarket, past the bar and down to the church. They got married and all five dogs married a cat e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

When I was bar tending I would tell people this was the worst joke they’ll ever hear that will still make them laugh. I always just called it. “Grandma”

A boy comes home from school one day skipping football practice cuz he isn’t feeling well.
When he gets home he grabs a snack and sits down to watch some TV.
During the show he hears some noises coming from his parents room.
His parents not being home at that time normally he walks down ...

A man is walking by his son's room, when he hears him praying...

and he decides to poke his head in the door to see what he is saying.

"Dear God, I love Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa."

The father thought this was strange, but didn't pay much mind to it, as his young son was just expressing his feelings.

The next day the man comes...

Great pickup line...

You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?

Her: Yes.

You: Wanna Traumatize it?

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

A highway cop stops a car that is going too slow

He gets out and goes up to the car, and finds it full of old ladies. He addresses the driver:



"Maam, you were going 20 miles an hour on a 70 mile an hour highway. Going that slow is too dangerous"



"But officer, I was just following the speed limit", she says, pointing t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy comes home from school...

... and hears a strange panting sound coming from his parents' bedroom. He opens the door to find his father giving it to his mother, doggie-style. The father makes eye contact with the kid, then, not wanting to traumatize his son, decides the best way to handle the situation is to give the boy a sm...

The European Space Agency (ESA) recruits one Dutch, one French and one Turkish astronaut for a space mission

As the mission should last 10 years, they ask the astronauts what they want to bring with them in space.

The Dutch says: "I would like to master a new language, can I bring a Spanish teacher?". ESA recruits the best Spanish teacher trains them and sends them to the space with the others.
<...

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.