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Throne Room Jokes

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!


The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.

"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."

"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh!" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me…"

God commented, "Well, what a big deal – inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was appare...

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The Jewish Samurai [Long]

The Emperor of Japan loses his most trusted bodyguard, and sends out a proclamation to the whole empire: Bring forth the best samurai to show their skills, so that they may guard my life.

Three samurai enter the throne room: A samurai from Edo, A samurai from osaka, and a jew.

The firs...

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The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

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There was once a kingdom known as Penisland

In this kingdom, your social status was decided by the length of your penis. A traveler went to the kingdom to see if this was true. As he walked toward the great palace, he saw the peasants and commoners around him. They had penises which wrapped around their waist twice and the tip still touched t...

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A roman, an american, and a jewish man all died.

They were immediately sent to hell because they had committed some pretty unsettling offenses in their lives. The roman was a lustful sex offender, the american was extremely gluttonous, and the Jewish man was very greedy and stole lots of money over his lifetime.

Well, God was feeling pretty...

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A Vegan King is fed up of all the greens he has eaten so far

So he decrees that anyone who can introduce a new fruit or vegetable to him will be given 1,000 gold coins. However, if they bring up a fruit or vegetable that the king is familiar with, the same produce will be shoved up their butthole.

Excited for the prize, the common folk form a line outs...

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The Emperor's New Samurai

(Please excuse any historical inaccuracies) The Emperor's chief samurai had been recently slain in battle, leaving the Emperor in desperate need of a new chief to lead his men into battle.

The Emperor proclaims that any samurai who seeks audience with him will be granted 10 seconds to prove ...

A very religious man's child was caught with measles....

The man put the child in his bed and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by and said, “His temperature will soon be too high and will cause irreparable health problems, let me give him some medicine.”
​

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will ...

The Emperor of Rome had a thousand Centurions.

One day, he decided to give them a raise. He called them all to his throne room, and declared they be given a 4% increase in their monthly pay.

Now, the Centurions were paid one gold coin per month. That would mean their new pay was a gold coin and 4 silver ones. The total fee spent would be ...

God wants to go on vacation...

He's sitting in his throne room, boredly surveying the Earth, wondering where in his name he could go to. So he calls in St. Peter to give gimme some suggestions.

St. Peter gives it some thought and says, "Well, how about the rest of heaven? You haven't gotten a good look of it since you made...

A king had ten loyal, trusted knights...

... each named for a number from one, of course, to ten. These knights were the strongest, bravest, and smartest warriors in the kingdom.

One day, the princess's favourite necklace went missing. The king was outraged, as he himself had given the necklace to his daughter for her birthday. He c...

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[LONG][STORY][NSFW] The King's Daughter's Guards

In a land that is far from here, but not so far from there, in an ancient time that is not so long ago, there lived a king.
Now, this king had a daughter, the most beautiful young woman in the entire world. As she grew to the age when suitors started appearing, the king grew paranoid that she w...

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