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Boobs are like the sun

You can only stare at ‘em for a very short time. But if you wear sunglasses, you can stare at ‘em as much as you want.

Bread is like the Sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went…

…then it dawned on me.

How far is it from the Earth to the sun?

8 CVS receipts

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Stalin wakes up one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sun rise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun...

What do you call a really scary horse that only appears after the sun has set?

A nightMARE!

I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.

They were Basking Robins.

Norm Macdonald: I was gonna say that the Polish government did actually try to land on the Sun back in the..[interrupted: No, no they didn’t.] (Norm continues) Yes, and they were ridiculed for it, because they said, you know, you’ll burn up when you come anywhere near it.

They said 'we’re going at night'

What do you get when the Sun gives you a handjob?

Heatstroke!

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Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to ...

Would you like to be the sun of my life?

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?


Her: Awww... Yes!!!


Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down in 24 hours

and so they decided to call it a day

Did you hear about the snowman who got angry when the sun came out?

He had a total meltdown

If you laid every atom in the sun end to end, it would be roughly 3.0818632e+23 times the width of the universe, or roughly 1.1701458e+43 lightyears.

That’s almost as wide as your mother.

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Pluto takes 248 years to orbit the sun

Uranus takes only one.

What did a solar powered bulb say to the Sun on cloudy day?

Notice me Senlight

What's the difference between someone out in the sun all day and a large-haired disco dancer with colorful perspiration?

One sweats profusely and the other fro-sweats pucely.

What is a Irish and sits in the sun?

Patty O’Furniture

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An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"  Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."  Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"  Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."  Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"  Boy just laughs and keeps walking.  That evening at suns...

My mom said that I should stop looking at the sun

I, personally, don't see any problem with that.

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from?

Then it dawned on me.

Why didn't the Sun go to college?

Because it already had a million degrees!

Earth is the third planet from the sun.

By this logic, all countries are third world countries

Earth is 3rd from the Sun

That means all our problems are 3rd world problems

How come Voldemort hates the sun?

Because his sunglasses won’t stay up

[NSFW] Did you hear about the sun god's date with your mom?

I heard he Ra dogged her all day long.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

A man is sitting outside enjoying his morning coffee when he notices his neighbor jumps off his horse, walks behind him, lifts up his tail, and kisses him right where the sun don't shine...

Curious, he walks over to his neighbor and asked him,"Excuse me Bob, did you just do what I thought you did."

"What might that be?"his neighbor answers back.

"Well near as I can tell, it looks like you hopped off old Bessie here, walk behind her, lifted up her tail, and kissed her righ...

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Did you hear about the man whose penis is so long that the tip of it could touch the sun?

He has one astronomical unit!

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

What happens when you leave a Chris Isaak wax statue in the sun for too long?

You get a Lyle Lovett wax statue.

Is it a solar or lunar eclipse where the sun passes in front of the moon?

Neither. That would be the apoca-clipse.

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On October 31st, we will have a full moon, and the 7th planet from the sun will be its brightest...

So when someone sees the moon that day, they will likely see Uranus too...

These two drunks are arguing if the thing in the sky is the sun or the moon.

They can’t figure it out so they ask a passerby.

“Hey man we’re having an argument. Is the thing in the sky the sun or the moon?”

“I dunno man I ain’t from this neighborhood.”

Two pigs are sitting in the sun

One says: “I’m getting pretty hot!”
The other says: “Yeah I’m bacon!”

If Google maps asks me to rate the Sun

It is not going to get more than "1-star"

How are women and the sun similar

Sunglasses allow you to stare at them for longer

God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...

Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.

But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

I had a staring contest with the sun and I won!

The sun must’ve blinked since there doesn’t seem to be any light anymore!

What happened when Sin and Cos stayed out in the sun for too long?

They both became tanned gents!

I take part in the sun tan competition every single year.

Why do I never get better than bronze!

My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.

It’s forever burned in her mammary

I can tell the exact time just by looking at the Sun...

Although after a while it gets spotty.

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Boobs are like the sun...

Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not.

Then again, that's what sunglasses are for.

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

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I woke up this morning at 9:30, made coffee, stepped out for the day's first cigarette, and was greeted by a gorgeous spring day. The sun was shining the birds were singing...

Then I ripped ass like a bologna windmill slapping a tile floor.

You might think the sun Is too heavy to carry,

but actually it's pretty light.

Why does the Sun have sunspots?

Because it caught a Corona virus.

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un’s Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I’ll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

Trump decides he is going to reinvigorate the space program. He calls his advisors together and says, “the US will be the first nation to have astronauts land on the sun.”

His advisors go quiet. Someone says, “Mr President, nothing can come within a few million miles from the sun without getting burned up.”

Trump says, “I know that, but my vast knowledge of science has given me a solution.”

“We send them at night.”

I just won a staring contest with the sun..!

I was staring at it for like 3 minutes and eventually the sun just gave up and everything went black..knowing I didn’t close my eyes I must’ve won. There’s no other explanation..

Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?

Really good acid

Your face is like the sun

It burns my eyes

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

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The sun is beating down and the.....

It's a slow day in a rural New Zealand Town. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit:

On this particular day a rich tourist is driving through town, stops at the local motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk say...

A few days ago, a team of 200 scientists released the first ever image of a cosmic body with a mass 7 billion times that of the sun's, also known as

yo mama lmao

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
(I'll see myself out.)

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If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

Simba, everything that the sun touches is yours

Except the water, that is owned by nestle

The Sun may have COVID-19...

It had a coronal mass ejection

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Staring at boobs is like staring at the sun...

Stare too long and you’ll have trouble, bring sunglasses and you get a lot more time.

Did you know the Moon is more useful than the Sun?

We need the light more at night.

Cleavage is like the sun

You can look but don’t stare unless you’re wearing sunglasses

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

What happens to Nitrogen when the sun comes up?

It becomes daydrogen.

There's a lunar eclipse, and the Sun and Moon are aligned

The Moon says "Hello Mr Sun, I don't come across you very often!"

The Sun arrogantly turns his nose up and replies "Yes well, we move in different circles"

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.

the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

Sometimes I forget which way the sun comes up

Then it dawns on me

Hey, dictators! Moving the Earth further from the sun will keep you in power. Why?

Because it will take longer to make one full revolution.

A man spends a ton of time looking for the sun..

Then it dawned on him.

Warning!!! Don't look at the sun through a colander.

You'll strain your eyes.

The Sun and the Moon walk into a bar...

Sun: Ahhh damn it! I forgot my wallet.
Moon: Hey no worries, I'll cover ya.

What sort of chicken caught the sun?

Tannedoori.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

Don't trust people who avoid the sun.

They're shady.

I was in a long staring contest with the sun.

Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.

What’s the suns favourite clothes brand?

Kelvin Klein

The gave the sun a rating

It was only one star

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A man walked outside to get his newspaper only to find his neighbor hopping off his horse, walking behind him, picking up his tail,and kissing him right where the sun don't shine...

He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed so he decided to walk over and see if his suspicions were correct."Good morning Bill."He says.

"Howdy Frank,what brings you by?"

"Well,I'm not sure I had witnessed what I had just witnessed."

"And what might that be?"

"Well,i...

All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible.

Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"

I miss my ex-wife every time I see the sun.

I should probably try to snipe her at night.

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