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The Sun Jokes

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Boobs are like the sun

You can only stare at ‘em for a very short time. But if you wear sunglasses, you can stare at ‘em as much as you want.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

North Korea announced to have successfully landed a man on the Sun

During a live interview with Kim Jong-un, a reporter asked, "the Sun is very hot! How did you land a man?" Kim proudly replied, "we launch at night!"

Meanwhile, Trump tweeted while watching the live, "Haha what an idiot! There is no Sun at night!"

I once stayed up all night trying figure out where the sun went

Then it dawned on me

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

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Boobs are like the sun...

Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not.

Then again, that's what sunglasses are for.

The Sun doesn't need to go to college

Because it already has 28 million degrees.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

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An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn foo...

A _solar_eclipse is when the moon is between the Earth and the Sun. A _lunar_ eclipse is when the earth is between the Moon and the Sun. What’s it called when the sun is between the moon and the earth?

The apocalypse…

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

My friends down here in Texas keep telling me about the sun having an eclipse.

I couldn't see anything, though. The moon was in the way the entire time.

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

Earth is the third planet from the sun.

By this logic, all countries are third world countries

The Sun's Birthday

It's the Sun's birthday, so the whole Solar system is thinking about gifts. Earth, after thinking for a while, decides to gift the Sun the element Technetium, since it's a gift that no other planet could have given. The party goes by, and the Sun accepts the Technetium graciously and politely.
<...

What's the difference between you and the sun?

The sun's hot...

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Breasts are like the sun

If you wear sunglasses you can stare at them longer.
(I don’t know if this has already been posted here before, sorry if it has)

What did the sun say to the ice?

You’re gonna have a total meltdown!


(My five year old just made this one up at dinner tonight. He’s so proud.)

Why does the sun never set on the British empire?

Because God can't trust the British in the dark.

Bread is like the sun.

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Chuck Norris walked on the sun once

The sun got chuck burns.

What do you get when the sun god says he's sorry?

An Apollo-gy

What's more useful, the sun or the moon?

The moon. Because the sun only shines during daytime, when it's bright anyway, whereas the moon shines at night.

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Xi Jinping was on his balcony during the early morning, admiring all that Bejing has become

He inhaled a sweet breath of fresh Bejing air and looked East to see the sun smiling down.

"Hello, Sun", said Xi Jinping.

The sun replied "Hello Glorious Leader, the architect of a grand Communist Utopia. Best wishes leading your already prosperous nation."

Xi Jinping, despite h...

We know the sun turns around the earth

because Chuck Norris is on earth

What do you call an orange that spent too much time in the sun?

A tangerine

What does the sun get with it’s sandwich?

Light mayo.

Today is the Perihelion, the day the earth is closest to the sun

Not to be confused with the perineum, which is closest to the moon.

I don’t get why people are bothered by the sun while driving.

I just close my eyes and it’s not a problem.

The Sun Names His Two Children After Himself

He calls them Bright and Early

The Polish government is planning a manned space mission to the sun

When asked if they are afraid the mission will end in disaster, they responded, “no, we are not worried, we are going at night “.

(Credit the late great norm mcdonald)

The Sun and the Moon walk into a bar...

Sun: Ahhh damn it! I forgot my wallet.
Moon: Hey no worries, I'll cover ya.

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With a sexy smile, she said to me "Kiss me where the sun don't shine."

...so I booked us two tickets for a December holiday in northern Norway.

Driving into the SunSet...

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

How did Joshua stop the sun in the sky over Gibeon?

He pressed the Heliopause.

How far is it from the Earth to the sun?

8 CVS receipts

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Stalin wakes up one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sun rise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun...

What did the Sun name his Kids?

Bright and Early

What does the Sun do, that my wife won't?

Go down on me every evening.

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

A stupid pun joke- The moon and the sun are having a conversation

The moon and the sun are having a conversation.
The moon says “Hey, you have been pretty dark lately. That kinda defies your entire sol purpose. The sun replies with “When will you stop telling me these stupid puns like a lune-atic.”

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi...

I was in a long staring contest with the sun.

Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.

The wisest men in the village could not figure out where the sun went at night.

So they stayed up all night discussing it.
And then it dawned on them.
&nbsp;
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&nbsp;
(I'll see myself out.)

Don't trust people who avoid the sun.

They're shady.

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Dad, a girl invited me over to her house

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget." ...

As a guy who loves the beach and the sun

I rate myself a tan/tan!

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Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

How come Voldemort hates the sun?

Because his sunglasses won’t stay up

Did you hear about the Scottish Space Agency mission to land on the sun?

They went at night to make sure it wouldn't be too hot

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas….

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab ...

What do you get when the Sun gives you a handjob?

Heatstroke!

"The child returned to the sun"

Around 1250, a merchant leaves France for a 2 years trip to the middle-east. When he comes back, his unfaithful wife had a son with a handsome young man of the city. Upon coming back home, the merchant sees the baby, who is obviously too young to be his own. He asks his wife: "My dear wife, please t...

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Pluto takes 248 years to orbit the sun

Uranus takes only one.

Did you hear about the snowman who got angry when the sun came out?

He had a total meltdown

What is a Irish and sits in the sun?

Patty O’Furniture

Two pigs are sitting in the sun

One says: “I’m getting pretty hot!”
The other says: “Yeah I’m bacon!”

TIL You can watch the sun through a telescope without any filters.

Only twice though...

Putin decreed that all time zones in Russia be unified.

After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.

*"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."*

*"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday...

Did you hear about those Amish who are running wild when the sun goes down?

They're Amish by day, but mennonite

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The sun is beating down and the.....

It's a slow day in a rural New Zealand Town. The sun is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit:

On this particular day a rich tourist is driving through town, stops at the local motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk say...

The Sun Mission

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We ...

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down in 24 hours

and so they decided to call it a day

The gave the sun a rating

It was only one star

Would you like to be the sun of my life?

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?


Her: Awww... Yes!!!


Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

Why does the Sun have sunspots?

Because it caught a Corona virus.

Your face is like the sun

It burns my eyes

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Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to ...

Why does the sun not hurt a lamp's eyes?

Because they are always wearing shades! (Sorry if repost)

The Sun may have COVID-19...

It had a coronal mass ejection

What do you call a female horse that refuses to work while the sun is up ?

A Nightmare.

A man is sitting outside enjoying his morning coffee when he notices his neighbor jumps off his horse, walks behind him, lifts up his tail, and kisses him right where the sun don't shine...

Curious, he walks over to his neighbor and asked him,"Excuse me Bob, did you just do what I thought you did."

"What might that be?"his neighbor answers back.

"Well near as I can tell, it looks like you hopped off old Bessie here, walk behind her, lifted up her tail, and kissed her righ...

what color is the sun?

I looked at it for a couple of minutes and I think it is black

My mom said that I should stop looking at the sun

I, personally, don't see any problem with that.

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from?

Then it dawned on me.

The Sun looked down at me, smiled and said, “Good morning. Want some light?” I exclaimed, “What a beautiful day! Thanks Sun!" The Sun chuckled, “Here’s some heat as well." Sweating, I groaned, “Wow, it's getting hot now." Menacingly, the Sun roared...

“It’s going to get hot when I expand and destroy your planet in a few billion years!"

I shot back, “Not if we destroy it first!"

A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they'll grant 3 requests before they scalp him.

The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset.

As t...

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A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, ...

Simba, everything that the sun touches is yours

Except the water, that is owned by nestle

What's older Jimmy, the sun or the moon?

Jimmy: Well duh, the moon; because it's allowed to go out at night.

I just won a staring contest with the sun..!

I was staring at it for like 3 minutes and eventually the sun just gave up and everything went black..knowing I didn’t close my eyes I must’ve won. There’s no other explanation..

I had a staring contest with the sun and I won!

The sun must’ve blinked since there doesn’t seem to be any light anymore!

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