UPJOKE
returngovernmenttaxpaypaymenttaxpayerrevenuecapitationexciseexpensedeductiblechargeregressivetaxationtaxable

Tax Return Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tax return

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.
<...

I’m glad that I learned about parallelograms in HS math instead of how to do my tax return.

It comes in so handy during parallelogram season.

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return;

it's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

A wealthy politician released her tax returns for the public to view, according to custom.

The politician had a neighbor who was in charge of a charity that was struggling for funds. After seeing the politician’s tax returns, he saw a golden opportunity, and immediately went over and knocked on the politician’s door.

“All right, I can see from your tax returns that you make $500,00...

I keep hearing my accountant's disembodied voice wanting to check the last 5 years of my tax returns.

I think I'm having auditory hallucinations.

Why didn't Monica Lewinsky get a tax return in 1995?

Clinton was paying her under the table.

I received my tax return for 2016 back from the IRS

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 53...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between your penis and your tax return?

She'll blow your tax return

In all fairness, Trump can't release his tax returns

At least not until Putin sends him his W2s.

Trump will move to Mar-a-Lago once his tax returns go public

That will be his last resort

Breaking - Trump emailed Hillary Clinton his tax returns

She just accidentally deleted them.

A middle aged couple had gotten their tax return . . .

and they were arguing over how to spend it. The husband wanted to spend it on a new set of golf clubs, while the wife insisted they use it to buy a new dishwasher. Seeing they were getting nowhere, the husband suggested, "All right, let's make a bet. Whoever has the hairiest chest gets the money...

At this point I feel that there's probably nothing self-incriminating in his tax returns.

Or else Donald J. Trump or Junior would have tweeted it out to the public.

Google pizza

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google pizza.
- Ah okay, wrong number
- No sir, Google bought Gordon's
- Okay. Then can I order please...
- Do you want the usual?
- The usual? You know my usual?
- According to our caller ID, the last 12 times you ordered pizza with cheese...

What was Trump's reaction to the petition for him to release his tax returns

Not my precedent

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

The IRS has made a major announcement.

All Marijuana Dealers must file a joint tax return.

It is May 2022 and a Russian army is marching through Finland.

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;

"One Finnish tank is better than 10 Russian tanks!"

The Russian general laughs, as he sends 10 T-14 Armata, the most powerful tanks of the Russian military on the hill to capture it. There is the sound of battle for a mi...

Letter to the IRS

## Letter to the IRS – Oh, if only paying our federal income tax were actually this easy …

Attn: IRS

Enclosed is my current tax return & payment.

Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see the Pentagon is paying $171....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady and her 7 year old son..

A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restaurant.

In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success.

The boy begins to turn blue. The desper...

U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands.

Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.

Feeling alone? Feeling unwanted, like no one gives a hoot?

Do what I did... don't file your tax returns.

At the IRS audit

IRS: According to your tax return you claim got money for nothin' & checks for free.

Taxpayer: Am I in trouble for that?

IRS: We'd say you're in dire straits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ralph was called in for a meeting with the IRS

Ralph was called in for a meeting with the IRS, so he turns up for the meeting with his accountant. The tax clerk says to him "You wrote on your tax return that you make your money by gambling, but we find that quite hard to believe."
"No, it's true! I'm really good at it. Look, I can prove it!...

Did you hear about the Barcelona football star who got busted for tax evasion?

They said his tax returns were Messi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THE TAXMAN VISITS A RABBI

Its the end of the tax year, its time to do all the taxes. Dave the taxman walks into the Synagogue to discuss the tax returns.
"What do you do with all the excess candle wax that melts? You know, you must burn a lot of candles in here you being Jewish and all?" Dave asks.
"We collect it all ...

Donald Trump invites Obama, George W Bush and Bill Clinton to Mar-a-Lago for a President's weekend.

They decide to play volleyball, Democrats vs Republicans. As they walk to the court, Bush asks Trump, "I gotta ask, why didn't you release your tax returns?" Trump replied, "Well, I was going to eventually, but as the public became more demanding I felt like caving in to that kind of pressure would ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.