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Tactical Jokes

What do you call a Texas cop in tactical gear?

A copsplayer.

What is the Tactical Division of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police called?

The Special Horses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a tactical penis.

It's smaller, lighter, and faster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religious people are like tactical nuclear weapons...

It only takes one flying wildly off course, to fuck up alot of innocent people.

And if there happens to be alot of them, we are all fucked.

How many tactical psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well, data from exercises suggests that ten of them, if well coordinated and trained have a 96% success rate. but under real-world conditions, its anyone's guess.

The United States doesn't use torture techniques such as water boarding

The prefer the term "tactical baptism"

Studies show people who carry tactical knives with flashlights are less confident guessers.

They never take a stab in the dark.

What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?

Flash-banged.

;)

I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....

It's my Tic Tactical vest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a military man do during sex?

He tactically inserts his unit.

The United States finally outlawed the waterboarding of suspected terrorists!

They have decided to replace it with a more politically correct interrogation method: Tactical Baptism

What do you call a well planned microwave?

A tactical nuke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So how about a real joke about Bulgarians for a change?

A flying saucer beams up a German engineer, an Indian guru and a Bulgarian. The three of them are informed by an alien in a lab coat that standard procedure when contacting an unfamiliar species is to subject them to the standardized intergalactic intelligence test.

"You will be put in an air...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

The guardsman, the commissar, and the orks.

Preface: In case you are not familiar with the Warhammer universe, if enough orks believe something, reality will warp to make it so. And no... I am not the author of the joke... Do get over it please.



Once upon a time, there was a fierce battle raging in the jungle between the Imperi...

A football manager signs his new star...

A manager for a football club signs his new star, a centipede. It’s the debut game for their new club and all the other players are out on the field when the match starts. The team starts conceding goals and is down 5-0 at half time.

During the break, the manager substitutes the centipede o...

Ferrari hires some new employees

On Tuesday, Ferrari handed over the final pay-outs to its entire depot team and hired a group of young unemployed Somali men living near a road known as the Mogadishu area of ​​Helsinki. Ferrari's management team made its decision after seeing a document showing how these young people from Helsinki...

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