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Spanked Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sexual desires have been getting out of control, but it wasn’t until I spanked a statue...

...that I knew I’d hit rock bottom.

What do you call pasta that likes to be spanked?

>!Fetish-ccine!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy gets spanked

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I...

My girlfriend cuddled up to me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies.".

So, I spanked her and came in her hair.

I think we watch different movies.

Getting older

It's amazing how things you hated as a child become things you enjoy as you get older.

Like taking a nap.

Or getting spanked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I snapped and spanked one of my students for being disrespectful in class.

My son better be more respectful to me during this quarantine school situation.

What's the difference between a thunderstorm and a child being spanked?

One pours with rain, and the other roars with pain.

A man once spanked off to the moon

He suffocated halfway there

What did the dominatrix say after she spanked the wrong slave?

Whoops, wrong sub

Today I spanked the wrong woman at BDSM party

Oops, wrong sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bloke notices a gorgeous bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.

"Do I know you?" he asks.
She says, "Aren't you the dad of one of my kids?"
He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at my bucks night, while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that ma...

There was a porta-potty near the edge of a small cliff

Everyday young Bobby would walk by it on the way home from school, and every day he would resist the temptation to kick it off the edge of the cliff.

This all changed one day when Bobby had a particularly bad day at school. He had learned about boring topics, like how George Washington cut do...

The Good Old Days

> You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

- Emo Philips

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My parents found bondage gear that i’ve been hiding in my room

I bought bondage gear from my local sex shop and hid it under my bed.


My parents were furious when they found out and I was yelled at and spanked.

So i started leaving it out in the open.

Three old guys are sitting around in the park.....

discussing whose memory goes back the farthest. Says Larry, “I remember being taken to the church, all dressed up in this scratchy white stuff, and having people standing around and someone splashing water on me.”

“Aww, that’s nothing,” says Irv. “I can remember this nice, dark room, and then...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes shopping...

...to the supermarket. At the cashier, there is a pretty long queue. In the queue next to him, a hot blonde smiles at him. The dude says:

"Hmm, do we know each other?"

"I'm not sure, but I think you might just be the father of one of my kids!"

The guy thinks about the only time ...

Nancy Pelosi just thrashed Trump over this shut-down business.

But Stormy Daniels showed us that Trump likes getting spanked by a woman.

My family’s new truck

I remember once when I was a younger kid living with my parents, my dad gave me some money to go down to the grocery store to pay the electricity bill.

Thinking I was a super lucky kid & kind of smart, I decided to buy scratch-off tickets instead. Surprise, surprise - yeah, none of them w...

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. When Heidi started to go into labor she called 911.

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid had a problem with excessive cursing...

A kid was constantly getting punished for excessive cursing.

The parents were trying everything to get him to stop. One punishment was that if he was at a friend's and he cursed, the friend's parents were told to send him home no questions asked.

He had been good for a bit so one day...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are trapped on an island...

Three men were trapped on the island. One was an American, one was a North Korean and the other was South Korean.
They were wandering around when they came upon a town of cannibals. They were tied with a rope. The Chief came out and said that the punishment was spanking their ass with a huge woo...

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