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Sophia Jokes

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Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

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Paul wanted to marry Sophia.

Alas, Sophia preferred men six feet in height, and poor Paul was 9'. (Sophia had weird affinities for six-footers, don't ask me why.) He came to know from his magical friend John that there was a parrot in the middle of the forest who can make a person one foot shorter by saying "no".
Paul encoun...

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Luigi and his Armani Shoes

Luigi walks to work every day. Each way he passes a shoe store. Each time he can't help himself but to stop, look in the window and admire a particular pair of Armani shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves every last penny t...

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A surfer gets attacked by a shark. He wakes up in hospital to see his penis fully bandaged



\- Doctor, what is wrong with my penis?

\- You had an accident. A shark bit you.

\- It bit my penis off??

\- No, no, thank God, no! It just bit off the tip. We managed to save most of it.

\- How much did it bite off?

\- Well.. you had a tattoo there?
...

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* sh...

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Three devout Italian nuns passed away…

Alt the gate, St Peter said they could come in - but as a reward for having led absolutely blameless lives, he would allow them all to return to Earth in the body of anyone, living or dead, at any time of their lives, for 6 months.

The first thought a bit, and said she would like to be Sophia...

Three little old nuns are attending a church service in Rome when, in a freak accident, a giant crucifix falls from the old plaster wall and kills them.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates Saint Peter says, "I'm SO sorry, Sisters, that was a freak accident and wasn't supposed to happen.

"Unfortunately, your Earthy bodies were too horribly mangled for us to just send your souls back, but we *do* have a protocol for cases like yours.

"W...

Whenever I'm with someone who is texting, I try to look away cuz I want to respect his privacy.

Also, it's just none of my business if he wanna see Sophia and grab some dinner before going to see a movie this Thursday cuz they haven't seen each other in 3 weeks.

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85\-year\-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and t...

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Two old Italian men are sitting on a bench arguing about who is the most desirable woman in the world.

The first says, “For me, it must be the greatest Italian actress, Sophia Loren. Every man who ever saw her movies fantasized about her.”

The second man replies, “That’s what I used to think, but now it must be this woman from the United States, Virginia Pipalini.”

“Who is that!? I’ve n...

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Two beggars

It is Easter Sunday in front of Saint Sophia’s Cathedral in Constantinople sometime during the Crusades.

Two beggars are sitting in front of the cathedral.

One is wearing a tattered suit of armor and is covered in bandages. In front of him is a sign: “Give Alms to a poor Crusader who ...

Giuseppe and Luigi were life-long friends from the old country.

They both moved to America, had good careers, retired, and now met in the park every day. One day, Luigi got to the park and Giuseppe wasn't there. Giuseppe was always there first. For 15 years, Luigi never got to the park first. He was so worried about his friend.

Suddenly, a limousine pulls...

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