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Yom Kippur Jokes

My favourite Yom Kippur joke

Last Wish

Terrorists burst into a shul (synagogue) just before Yom Kippur, demanding 20 million dollars and a jet plane in ransom.

The Governor, being a tough man, said no. The terrorists then announced that they would kill, in quick succession, 3 people. They chose the Rabbi, the Ca...

A Rabbi on Yom Kippur

Rabbi Ben Simmons was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.

Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested Go...

A nice clean jewish joke

The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.

On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.

An angel who witnessed this...

My friend was cranky from fasting all day for Yom Kippur yesterday.

I’m sure it will Passover.

What did Sonic say on Yom Kippur?

*Gotta go fast*

Three Jewish guys are having a conversation about how reform their synagogues are…

The first man exclaims “My synagogue is so reform that they serve shrimp and pork in the cafeteria”

The second man exclaims “My synagogue is so reform that they serve us shrimp and pork on Yom Kippur”

The third man exclaims “My synagogue is so reform that on Yom Kippur there’s a sign o...

The most cruel punishment

A rabbi is out of town on Yom Kippur. Since nobody knows who he is, he decides to play a round of golf. Up in heaven, God sees him and decides to punish the rabbi for his transgression. However, before God does anything, Moses stops him and says, "Let me take care of this.'' God thinks about it for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every opportunity.

Context:
Yom Kippur is the holiest Jewish holiday during which you’re supposed to deprivate yourself from food, drinking and anything that brings you joy and during which you’re also supposed to pray the whole day.

Joke:
The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every opportunity. He ...

Synagogue Dog

A jewish guy walks into his synagogue on Yom Kippur with with his dog. The rabbi stops him at the door and says "Moishe, what's the matter with you? You can't bring a dog in here."

"Don't worry, Rabbi," replies Moishe, "Isaac here is just as orthodox as I am, and he's come to pray." And as s...

A rabbi on the links on Yontiff

It was a balmy day for the highest of the Holy Days, Yom Kippur and seated on a cloud were Moses and Jesus, enjoying the weather when suddenly Jesus spotted a familiar figure on the golf course just about to tee off. Turning to Moses " Hey Moshe, isn't that Rabbi Goldstein playing golf on Yontiff?" ...

As a Jew, am I allowed to eat McDonalds today?

Yes, I know it's Yom Kippur. But McDonalds is fast food.

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