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Second Floor Jokes

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Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

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A store opens which sells husbands (long)

A few women think this is cool and decide to try it out. When they enter in the building, an employee tells them the rules: on each floor there is a door with a list of qualities the men on that floor possess. The women must choose whether to go into that floor to shop or move up to the next floor. ...

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A man walks in a bar and sees a jar full of 100$ bills

A man walks in a bar and sees a jar full of $100 bills, so he asks the bartender why there is so much money in the jar.

The bartender replies that it is a bet and you have to pay $100 to partecipate. The bet consists in three tests:

The first test: You see that man sitting back there? ...

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened,
where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper a...

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A man and woman get on an elevator. He pushes a button and says, “I’m on the second floor—where are you going?” She replies,

“to two too.”

They just built a steakhouse on the second floor of the casino

The steaks have never been higher

Once upon a time a thief scouted out a house and got in through the second floor window

Soon he was stuffing his bag with jewelry but he heard a whisper "Jesus is watching"

He didn't move from the spot he was standing for a couple minutes thinking maybe the houses owner was home but soon he decided it was his imagination

But soon after resuming he heard it again "Jesus ...

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school?

A flat minor.

A Viking is out shopping when he comes across an old woman in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the Viking.

"Well," the woman says, wiping her tears, "I have been living on my own for many months now, and my daughter and son-in-law have at last come to visit me. My daughter has brought me along on this shopping trip, but it's the first time I've really been out and ...

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The wives and husbands stores

There's a store somewhere in a small town that advertises selling ready-to-go husbands for women who wish to settle down. One day a woman walks in looking for a husband.

As she walks in, she sees a sign that says "Welcome to Husbands 'R Us! This store has 6 floors. On each floor you will fin...

The Husband Store

So a new store opened up in town where women can go and find the love of their lives. There are some rules though:

1. You can only shop once. Ever.
2. The quality of the 'merchandise' increases as you go up a floor (there are 6 floors total)
3. You can choose any product from any floor,...

Putin dies and goes to hell.

He's met by the devil, who explains to him that he will be shown three different floors and he has to choose which one to spend eternity in.

The devil takes Putin to the first floor where everyone is standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Anytime someone started to tip or fall over, litt...

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Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way t...

I could get to the second floor using the stairs or I could use a structure consisting of a series of bars or steps between two upright length of wood, metal, or rope.

I chose the ladder.

Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs?

How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.

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A maid worked at the house of a very rich couple

One day, she was peacefully sweeping the floor when the phone rang. She answered it:

"Hello, who am I talking to?"

"It's me, the boss. Is my wife already home?"

"What...? I mean, yes, she's here, sir, but why are you calling? Aren't you here too?"

"What do you mean? I'm a...

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A man walks into a brothel. NSFW

He goes to the first floor to find a sign that says "slow fucks"

Then he goes to the second floor to find another sign that says "fast fucks"

When he reached the third floor he found a paper on the ground he bend over to pick it up, only to find someone fucking him,he reads the paper, ...

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It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

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Granma always shit on our gifts…

My whole family went in to buy Gran one of those chair lifts to get up to the second floor “her bedroom is on the 2nd and she has been struggling over the last few years”. We had a professional install it and finally got everyone together to see her. We asked her “Hey Granma, how do you like the lif...

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A guy driving down the road..

A guy is driving down the road one day and sees a sign that says LOSE ALL YOUR WEIGHT TODAY. Intrigued he stops and goes in.at the desk is a well dressed man and our traveler asks the gentlemen how it works.he is told for every pound he wants to lose he pays a dollar.as he weighs over four hundred p...

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Woman searching for a husband

A woman goes to the husband store. The store owner tells her each floor has better quality men, but once she leaves a floor she can not return. On the first floor are nice, cute men. "I can do better" she thinks to herself. She goes to the second floor. There she finds nice, cute men with high payin...

Women Only

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor,...

Got the shaft

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".
<...

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A construction company builds a 5 stories apartment building but with no bathroom

A reporter asks the contractor:

"Why didn't you build any bathroom in the building?"

The contractor replies:
"The first floor is a kindergarten, they go potty so no need for a bathroom"

"The second floor is for high ranking officials, they've got people to wipe their ass fo...

Two men are delivering a very heavy safe into an aparment building.

They were an old man and a young man. They both walk up with the heavy safe for one floor and then the second floor, completely out of breath they stop for a bit just to catch some air.

They do one more floor and are completely exhausted. The old man says,

"Look on the safe, it says it...

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

Drunk

A cop caught a drunkard just in front of a house, trying to get in. ''Are you sure this is your house?'' the cop asked the thoroughly sozzled man. '

“Shertainly,'' said the drunk, ''an' if you'll jesh open the door f'me, I'll prove it to you.''

The cop obliges by opening the door....

Tom goes to a funeral

So one day, Tom, who is a villager, receives a letter from his good friend Harry who lives in the city. The letter says that Tom's father died while in the city and he should come for the funeral. Tom is heartbroken and shaken due to the news, but he has to go anyway.

He arrives at the funera...

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Discordian Enlightenment

A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.

One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "Go to the dilapidated...

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This joke is popular with lebanese people, idk if everyone will find it funny but here we go

Mr. Abed and Mrs. Abed recently moved to a new building on the first floor. They were very happy they moved to a better area, but little did they know there was a man living in the second floor who plays the violin. At night when they went to sleep, the man started playing the violin and it was beau...

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John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

Jacob was a religious man.

He attended church regularly. He was a Deacon in his church. He raised his family to believe in the Lord, but never passed judgement on anyone, believing that judgement was reserved for God alone. When he saw others going astray he would keep his thoughts to himself, unless asked. In short, he alway...

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A woman is desperately looking for a husband, but she happens to stumble upon a stores that sells men.

The woman can't believe her luck, and runs inside. On the first floor, there is a sign that reads:

"Welcome to the Husband Store! There are 9 floors in all, but be warned: once you go past a floor, you're not allowed to go back down. You either make a purchase, or leave empty handed."

...

Three old ladies lived together.

1st old lady was in the bathroom on the second floor and she yelled to the other two, “I need help, I can’t remember if I was about to take a shower or if I already took it”. The second old lady was down stairs and she started going up the stairs to go help, but as she reached the second floor she s...

Leo the Lion was the king of the jungle, and had a strange obsession of

collecting thrones. He had dozens of thrones that he was very proud of, and he stored them on the second floor of his grass hut.

Sadly, on day, the weight from all those thrones was too great for the grass hut and they all crashed through the floor onto Leo, killing him.

The moral of ...

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.

On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."

On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."

The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says...

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An obese man is trying to lose weight

His friend tells him about this gym where he can lose all his unwanted fat within a few days.

The man goes to that gym, the coach welcomes him "Hello, welcome to the best gym ever. Today you will work in the first floor, where you will lose 20 pounds in 2 hours."

The man enters the fir...

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So there’s a 12-floor building

The first floor is named January
Second floor is February
Third is March
Forth is April
Fifth is May
Sixth is June
Seventh -July
Eight - August
Ninth - September
Tenth October
Eleventh November
And finally the twelfth floor is named December.

How do ...

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

An adventurer finds a huge tower

On the first floor he finds to his left a ladder and to his right an attractive woman. She tells him, "Take me here or climb to success." His curiosity gets the better of him so he climbs the ladder.

On the second floor he finds a woman even more attractive than the first one! She says, "Take...

In hopes to try to get some free advertising a Department store holds an event for Single ladies that want to meet that "it" guy

On the main floor 1000's of ladies stand in line for their chance to meet single guys, the atmosphere is electric! Groups of ladies stand in line some laughing giddily amongst themselves with an excited look on their face. Peggy sue holds a small raffle ticket in hand that reads she is contestant 70...

A man visits an asylum with 8 floors.

There, he talks to the manager of the asylum, who guides him through it.

"Let me explain to you how this building works. In the first floor, we've got the inmates that aren't very crazy. On the second floor, we've got the ones who are just a bit crazy. On the third floor, we have the ones who...

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