"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!

Eh?"

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings.

And now we have countries...

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

A marauding group if small angry marine mammals trashed my house last night.

They left it an otter shambles i tell ya.

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears. Being somewhat exhausted, the Czech said, "*I'm tired. Why don't you two go hunting? I'll stay here and make up camp for the night.*"

The Frenchman and the Irishman continue hunting ...

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

a moth goes into a pediatrist’s office

the pediatrist asks the moth, “what seems to be the problem?”

the moth responds, “My whole life is a mess. My marriage is in shambles, my daughter married this guy who I despise and who despises me, my son is a wretched failure, which only reflects my own failures.”

Understandably conf...

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to...

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

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A man is walking past a bar when he sees a sign for a challenge to win a free car

He goes inside the bar and asks the bartender what the challenge is to win the free car.

The bartender lays out the challenge. "First, you have to drink an entire bottle of whiskey without making a single face. Second, there is an alligator in the back room with a sore tooth, remove it. Thir...

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So a lonely, used, abused, beaten down woman places a personal ad in the newspaper...

She writes that she desires a man who won't use her for her money, beat her to a bloody pulp and won't walk out on her leaving her an emotional wreck of shambles. She also states that this man ought to satisfy her sexually and fuck her like no other man has.

Well days go by and no one respond...

Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastical...

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What does a true Scot keep under his kilt?

A Scotsman is at a festival, and he comes dressed in his best kilt (worn properly, of course). As the festival proceeds, the Scot starts to get very drunk, and so he sits under a tree with his beer mug and falls asleep. A couple of "pretty lasses" walk by and see the Scot passed out under the tree.<...

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The 2016 Election

The election was in such shambles that none of the US citizens were voting, there was a nation wide boycott of the election.

Since no one was voting there had to be a way to decide who the next president was going to be. It was agreed that a foot race around The Whitehouse would determine the...

A drunk walks into a pet store

. . . and leans heavily on the counter. "Gimmie a shot of Jim Beam," he slurs to the clerk.

"I, I'm sorry, sir," says the clerk, "you must be mistaken. This is a--"

"Goddamnit, I wanna (hic) drink, you can't tell me what mzmblrf kn izzenuf!" shouts the drunk, slamming his fist on the ...

Archery Practice

Dave and Mr Shambles were out on a weekend for a good session of archery. Mr Shambles had just been promoted over Dave and thought he'd make it up to him.

The course consisted of three targets, which got further and further from the shooter as you went up the course.

Now Mr Shambles w...

Gotta love Russia

A man decides to go and settle down in Russia. Once there, however, he realizes that the country is in terrible shape: Disease everywhere, people going hungry, no electricity, everything is in shambles. He goes to buy a loaf of bread, but sees the a huge line in front of the store. After waiting in ...

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A clown late for the circus.

There's a big circus show going on in Dallas, Texas one evening. One of the clowns, however, is running late to the show. He quickly puts on his clown uniform, and jumps into his car. He floors the gas, traveling down the highway at breakneck speed hoping to get to the show in time.

Unfortuna...

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A man walks into a bar and hears the most beautiful music in the world (NSFW)

A business man walks into a bar. As he is sat down drinking his beer he notices a man playing the piano. After a few minutes he goes over .
“That tune was beautiful. I’ve never heard it before. What is it called?”
“You like to take it up the arse you filthy bitch” replied the pianist
I beg ...

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