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Scone Jokes

Seen this one in the paper... gave me a giggle

An elderly Irish man lay dying on his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of ...

What did the baker say when his recipe was stolen?

It's scone!

A man was walking into Starbucks for his daily coffee,

except this time there were a ton of birds, numbering in the thousands. He walked in and asked the barista, "Hey, what's up with all these birds?" The barista replied, "I'm not sure, but it's affecting our business. Tell you what, I'll give you a dollar for every bird you can kill. I've got some bur...

What did Jesus say to the crowd of bakers?

Let he who is without sin cast the first scone.

What’s the fastest cake?

Scone

Right I did my job on my cake day now you do yours

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

Did you hear about the disappearing breakfast?

One minute it was there. The next, scone.

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.

The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, “Is that a scone, or a meringue?”

The waiter replies: “Naw, yer quite right, that’s a scone.”

i'm pretty sure my dad is a british pastry

he's scone

Cake walks into a bar and orders a drink.

After a while he notices everyone's been staring at him since he walked in the door. He asks the barman, "what's everyone's problem?"

The barman says, "If I were you I'd get the hell out if here... Looks to me like everyone wants a piece of you!"

"That's nothing mate", replies the cake...

What are the most powerful biscuits in the universe?

The Infinity Scones...



My 11 year old just came up with that one on his own...

Why did the man poison a London bakery?

He wanted to kill two Brits with one scone.

I'm writing an erotic novel featuring tea and pastries.

I'm calling it "Romancing the Scone."

My friend's parents run a marijuana bakery.

They make cookies, brownies, scones, the works. But my friend is odd. He will only eat edibles made by his mother, and he never touches edibles made by his father.



I think he has an edible complex.

A canary and a pigeon were on the street when an angry man with a bag of pastries approaches where they were standing

The man was very angry and kept throwing his bread, cakes and the rest of it in random directions as he just couldn’t control his rage and felt the need to throw his stuff all over the place. As he neared the canary and the pigeon he pulled out some more pastries from his bag and threw them wildly a...

An old man is lying on his deathbed.

Slipping peacefully away, he is half-aware of one sense after another fading, his sight growing dim, a blessed silence falling... and then something half-forgotten teases at his nose and he twitches as it registers. It's a delicious savoury scent wafting up the stairs - his wife's wonderful cheese s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I covered my girlfriend in flour, butter,milk, clotted cream and jam.

Boy was she mad... I guess hell hath no fury like a woman sconed

What do you call it when a pastry kills another pastry?

Game of Scones.

So HBO is making a drama about relatives conspiring against eachother to take control of the family pastry company

It's going to be called Game of Scones

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute-glass bowl sitt...

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones

If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones

If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones

If everyone was single: Game of Alones

If it was about balls: Game of Throwns

If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones

If everyone u...

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