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Satanist Jokes

What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas?

A Lucy Fir

Knew a drug dealer who was a Satanist

He used to sell me penta grams.

If Satanists had missionaries...

would they be called Devil's Advocates?

How does a satanist measure weight?

In pentagrammes

Well, i met with a dyslexic satanist

that sold his soul to Santa.

Why did the Satanist Unix Cult never perform executions ?

Because the permissions were 666

There's a special place in Hell for Satanists.

Good for them.

You hear of the dyslexic Satanist?

They play their vinyl records forward.

What did the dyslexic Satanist name his boat?

Sail Hatan

How much does a satanist's soul weigh?

A pentagram.

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

I don’t understand satanists

Why would anyone pray to someone who lost a fiddle playing contest to some hillbilly from Georgia?

What does a Satanist take for a headache?

Ibu-profane.

A group of satanists have a meeting when one sneezes.

Then it got really awkward when someone said "God bless you."

A farmer was asked why he specifically breed satanist Yaks on his farm..

...he said he simply enjoys the yakult.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus going to the international religions summit crashes

upon reaching the gates of heaven St. Peter tells all of the victims that, in order to make things easier that they should all split themselves up based on religion and denomination. After mulling about he asks for each of them to come up by groups one at a time.

The first group approaches.<...

Some of my Satan worshiping friends invited me to an open discussion on Satanism...

I'm not a Satanist myself, but I do like to play Devil's advocate...it was very confusing.

I don't know about you.

But I think satanists can go to hell.

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