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Necrophiliac Jokes

What does an alcoholic have in common with a necrophiliac?

They both have an irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.
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The news said there is a necrophiliac on the loose

Look alive, folks!
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Are we sure the first person to discover CPR...

Wasn't just a very surprised necrophiliac?
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[NSFW] What’s Another Name For A Necrophiliac?

Ghost Rider
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"Don't call me a Necrophiliac ever again" he said while pulling up his pants.

She didn't reply.
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What's a necrophiliac's favourite band?

Coldplay
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What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

Cracking open a cold one.
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You can say what you want about necrophiliac morticians

but at least they work hard
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What's the most annoying thing about being a necrophiliac?

Your girlfriend never returns your calls.
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What do you call a necrophiliac cumshot [Dirty (obviously)]

Ice Cream

Whats the difference between a depressed guy and a necrophiliac?

Ones dead inside, the other is inside the dead.
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What do you get when you cross a zoophile, a necrophiliac, and an idiomatic expression?

Someone who should *really* stop beating that dead horse.
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What does a necrophiliac get whenever he goes to a funeral?

Mourning wood.
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What comes after death?

A Necrophiliac
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I used to be a necrophiliac

but the rotten bitch split on me.

A zooaphile, a pyromaniac, a necrophiliac and a masochist are walking around..

...and they see a cow. The zooaphile says "hey guys, I'd like some time with that cow". The pyromaniac says "that's cool with me but when you're done I'm gonna set that cow on fire". The necrophiliac says "that's cool, when the fire goes out I'd like some time with that cow as well". The masochist...
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Did you hear the one about the necrophiliac who was into bestiality?

He gave it up when he realized he was just beating off a dead horse.
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Do necrophiliacs like anal?

Butt of corpse.

Did you guys hear the one about the Necrophiliac's Ex-wife?

She was left for dead.
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What does a necrophiliac get when he wakes up at the morgue? NSFW

Mourning wood.

I'm sorry.
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A zoophiliac, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a masochist are sitting together in a prison cell...

The zoophiliac looks around himself and muses:

"Damn, I wish there was a cat around here... ya know, we could... fuck the cat."

His inmates nod in agreement. The murderer then says:

"Or we could fuck it, and then kill it!"

The necrophiliac turns to the others and, grinni...

What is a necrophiliac pirate's favorite hobby?

Diggin' for booty.
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Why did the necrophiliac join the navy?

So he could enter the marine corps.
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What is a necrophiliac’s favorite body part?

Deadass
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What is another word for necrophiliacs

Ghost Buster
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What does a necrophiliac bring to the first date with a girl?

A shovel.
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Why was the necrophiliac depressed?

His lovers were always giving him the cold shoulder.
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What is a female necrophiliac's favorite drink? NSFW

An ice cold Dickens's Cider

What does a pirate and a necrophiliac have in common?

They both want to get their hands on a dead person’s booty
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What humour does a pansexual necrophiliac like?

Deadpan humour

what did the necrophiliac get at the funeral?

moUrning wood





W H E E E E E Z E ! ! !
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Why did the Necrophiliac Necromancer raise the dead?

So he could get a res-erection
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Ever notice you never see any necrophiliac hipsters?

Must be too hard to screw em before they're cool.
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What did the necrophiliac say to the ascetic?

Better late than never!
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What do you call a necrophiliac’s orgasm?

Cremation

A man was murdered by a necrophiliac...

He never saw him coming.
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You know how I feel about necrophiliacs?

They’re fucking dead to me.

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What's the difference between my neighbor and a necrophiliac?

My neighbor fucked my wife yesterday, but the necrophiliac had to wait until today.

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You know... You don't really see many necrophiliacs anymore.

It's like they're fucking dead.

A necrophiliac walks into a bar...

The bartender smiles and greets the corpse-lover, "Hey Paul, how's it going?! What can I get you tonight?"

“I've had a rough day so I'll take the hardest whiskey you've got, please." Answers Paul.

The bartender replies, "Oh man I've had those days."

A few seconds of silence pa...
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What's a necrophiliacs favorite drink?

Doesn't matter, so long as it's stiff.
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How did the necrophiliac like his food served?

The same way he liked his women...room temperature.
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Hi, welcome to Necrophiliac Club.

Who wants a cold one?
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What's the difference between a necromancer and a necrophiliac?

One raises the dead, the other is raised by the dead.
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What’s the difference between a homicidal necrophiliac and COVID-19?

One keeps fucking you after its taken your breath away.

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My dad told me he was a necrophiliac. I thought he was joking....

but, he was dead-fucking serious.

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I just found out my friend is a necrophiliac

Now he's fucking dead to me

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I don't understand peoples attraction to necrophiliacs

It's like people are dying to have sex with them

What's the similarity between a latin speaker and a necrophiliac?

They both appreciate a dead tongue.
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Necrophiliacs are only interested in women that are drop dead gorgeous.

That’s all.
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What's the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac?

One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.
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6 patients in a psych ward.

There are 6 patients in a mental facility all sitting around chatting. There was a zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromanic, and a masochist. And for some reason they are talking about cats.

The zoophile says, "I know! Let's get a cat, and fuck it!"

To which the sadi...

Why do necrophiliacs like Valentine's Day more than most people?

The flowers have already been delivered.
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one night, 2 necrophiliacs go to a cemetery...

they start digging up graves and pulling bodies out of caskets. They eventually have 12 bodies plus parts of several others. Then they go to town. They start fucking skulls, tearing holes into stomachs and fucking those. One guy rips a dick off of a corpse and sucks on it for a while. This horr...

My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her.

That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
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There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

Why was the necrophiliac cannibal excited for his dinner date?

It was a three corpse meal.
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What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

I'm alive.
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How do you seduce a necrophiliac?

I'm dying to figure it out.
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What was the excuse the closeted necrophiliac gave his girlfriend for missing dinner?

"Was out having a cold one with the boys"
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I'm trying to create a good ol fashion porn shop for us necrophiliacs. I know just what to call it

Welcome to the Creamatorium

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What do necrophiliacs say when they get into serious trouble

"I'm fucking dead"

Why are there no female necrophiliacs?

Because dead guys can't spend money.
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Two necrophiliacs are having lunch together.

One asks the other "so how's your love life?"
His friend replies "not so good, that rotten cunt split on me"

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks
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If you're a necrophiliac...

is it called wallpapering the coffin?
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So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb
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This one came to me this morning - How do you spot a necrophiliac at a funeral?

Mourning wood.
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A zoophile, a necrophiliac, a hunter and a masochist...

A zoophile, a necrophiliac, a hunter and a masochist get together in a group.

The hunter says: Alright, the zoophile, you fuck a dog, okay?

The zoophile agrees. The hunter says: "Then I shoot it, okay? Then the necrophiliac fucks the dog, which is now dead, is that cool?

The nec...

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I feel so bad for the necrophiliac's sister

She died a virgin but she sure wasn't buried one

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