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Set To Jokes

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A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're ...

Reverse cowgirl is set to be outlawed in Alabama.

Cause you don't turn your back on family.

A sailor reported for duty on a ship set to spend months at sea.

On the first day the captain takes the new recruit on a tour of the ship.
He shows him the engine room, the helm, the quarters taking him all over the ship. They end the tour in the captain's office where the captain closes the door behind him and tells the sailor "Oh and one more thing, Seeing a...

Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"

my kid asked if he could buy a chemistry set to make chloroform.

I said sure, knock yourself out.

Despite Brexit, English is set to become the EU official language...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union, given its majority status in the EU, despite the UK leaving.

As part of the final Brexit negotiations, Germany proposed a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known ...

A Priest, a Politician, and an Engineer are set to be executed by guillotine during the French Revolution.

The Executioner brings the Priest up first. He ask him if he'd like to lie facing down or facing up for his death. He responds that he would like to be facing up, so he can see the heavens while he's going to God. So the Executioner lays the Priest down in the guillotine facing up. He then releases ...

BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week

Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'

In 2025 the world is set to change its official language to Finnish

all other languages were deemed un-finnished

Philip Schofield set to leave ITV..

Rumours say it’s because he now prefers BBC.

Apple is set to release their new electric smart car in 2024...

It will be the first apple product with windows.

An old hospital patient was set to be discharged

A nurse comes in to help him with his medicine. A moment later he says, "I'm going home to die".
The nurse feels sorry for him and replies, "No sir, you aren't going to die, not yet.
The old guy looks at her a long while, shakes his head and says, "I was s'posed to go home yesterdie, but I'm ...

I heard they can do brain transplants now! I was all set to do it....

...but my local doctor changed my mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady is set to be the first woman to orgasm on the peak of Mount Everest.

Reports say that she'll be coming round the mountain when she cums.

Erdogan set to lose Istanbul

Now it's Constantinople.

I was all set to be the world's greatest supervillain, but first I had to win a fencing duel.

Alas, I was in anguish when I lost, for my plans had been Foiled.

I have my ringtone set to WAP everytime a woman calls me

How does the song go again?

An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution

An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution.

The aristocrat is brought to the guillotine and said "I am not afraid of my mortality. I refuse a blindfold and I wish to be face up so I can look death straight in the eyes!"

The execution...

A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer get caught by savages and are all set to be executed...

The priest lays down on the block, chanting his prayer profusely waiting for the guillotine to drop. The executioner pulls the lever, but the sharp blade stops inches before the preist's neck. The savages are scared of the preist's deity and lets him go. Next, the rabbi does the same and prays silen...

Did you hear about the new Silence of the Lambs sequel that's set to take place in Newfoundland?

It's going to be called Ewes Be Quiet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is set to marry the love of his life

But during the planning process, he noticed that his soon to be mother-in-law, who was very attractive, seemed to be flirting with him. He quickly dismisses this idea and sums it up to the stress causing him to think too deeply about the situation.

At the rehearsal, she pulled him aside and ...

Donald Trump is set to star in a sequel to the movie Dodgeball

Because if you can dodge a draft you can dodge a ball.

My wife bought me a Lego car set to build and it said +3 years in the box.

I got the last laugh, I finished it in 2.

***Breaking News*** UPS and FedEx set to merge this Friday!

...They're going to call it: FedUp

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

Mr. T set to open a new Vietnamese noodle shop...

To be called "I pity the Pho"

I couldn't remember what time the sun was set to rise this morning.

But then it dawned on me.

Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman are set to compete against each other in a wordplay competition in Spain

The Punning Of The Bulls

Im so old, the DJ in this bar just dedicated his next set to me !

...and turned off the music

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

(Real Story) All of a sudden, my Steam language was set to Russian.

I was changing it back to English, when my hand slipped. But it's okay, now. I have everything in Czech.

Hey, did you hear? Hope Hicks is set to resign as White House Communications Director.

I guess you could say Trump has No Hope Left. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding
she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned
that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the
entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares her...

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