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Remodeling Jokes

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A group of nuns were remodeling their church.

Today they were painting the walls. They didn't want to get paint on their habits (their nun clothes), so they decided to lock the doors and paint naked...

...they were butt naked and painting when suddenly someone knocked on the cathedral doors. Sister Mary explained to her sisters that ever...

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Two nuns are remodeling a new complex for the blind.

They are painting and get really hot and decide to take off their habits. A little bit later due to the heat they decide to just get completely naked and paint. Later that afternoon there is a knock on the door, in a panic the nuns ask "who is it?" Man replies "blind guy". They breath a sigh of re...

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

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Three nuns are remodeling their church...

New window panes, interior paint, new pews, the works. When it comes time to paint, they decide they don't want to get any paint on their habits, so they take off their clothes. They're painting half-nude and suddenly they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, Sister Elizabeth asks, "Who is it?"
...

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

A CIA employee retired to start a kitchen remodeling business...

It's called counter intelligence.

Why did the homeowner take so long in remodeling his home?

He had trouble with da siding. (deciding)

I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment

He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower.

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A local convent is remodeling some of their rooms, and two of the nuns have been charged with repainting them all.

Since neither of them have any experience painting walls, they decide to lock the door and strip naked so they don't get paint on their clothes and risk garnering the wrath of Mother Superior. All is going well after half an hour and they have one wall completed when they hear a knock at the door. ...

Three Nuns

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. H...

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Sorry everyone, the weekly reading of the Communist Manifesto has been canceled.

My parents are remodeling their basement.

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After have been to the doctor’s office ....

I went into the pharmacy to pick up my prescription, & there was some remodeling going on - some drilling & a power saw making quite a racket. I had to yell just to be heard & the young lady shouted back, “Your doctor hasn’t called your prescription in yet Mr. McPhinelhiny - do you know...

I took my old countertop to a swap meet.

After remodeling my kitchen, I had no use for it and was looking for a trade. It wasn't very long before I was approached by a young couple.

"Wow, that countertop is gorgeous!" says the guy. "I must have it. I will trade you my girlfriend."

His girlfriend was stunning. "Are you sur...

Three Couples trying to join a cult...

The Cult leader tells the couples that while marriages are maintaned, abstinence, even in marriage, must be upheld.

The husband of the first, older, couple says "Well, we have been together for nearly 50 years and while we still love each other, any intimate part of our relationship was gone...

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