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Recluse Jokes

I had a one night stand with a recluse on tinder

She gave me hermit crabs

A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.

He called his wife about it.

"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.

"Yes, I have it under CTRL."

What do you call an organized recluse

Neet and tidy

Make your own breakfast

Two youthful artists having a studio in Philadelphia, wherein they not only work but lodge as well, were obliged to make shift, not long ago, during a period of financial stress, with such meals as they could themselves prepare in the studio.

One morning, as the younger of the two was 'sketch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar

He sits down at the bar and sees a pot of cash filled to the brim with notes. As he orders his drink he ask the bartender "what's with the pot of cash?"

The barman replies "we have a 3 tier game going on, winner takes all. £100 entry."

"Just out of curiosity, whats involved?" Asks the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Psychologist once had a patient who masturbated with a raw chicken

He had a crippling addiction where he would masturbate with a raw chicken. This was really harming his social life and he became a recluse. His psychologist suggested he went cold turkey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

Everyone talks about Peter Parker because he was lucky enough to get bitten by the cool kind of radioactive spider...

My buddy Dave got bit by a radioactive brown recluse, and he just turned into a shut in.

My mother has an unhealthy fear of noodles.

It all started 5 years ago. I came home to find my mother covered in blood and in shock at the discovery of my father. He had been stabbed multiple times in a garish display akin only to the Manson and Zodiac killings. The police report determined the suspect was between 8-16 inches, slightly boiled...

What did the poisonous spider get pulled over for?

Recluse driving.

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