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Spinster Jokes

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office

and told the receptionist she
wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist
suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster
to come into the office.

The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I
...

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A young guy goes into a drug store owned by two spinster sisters.

He awkwardly says to the one lady at the pharmacy counter, "Um, this is embarrassing but I have this condition where about once a day I become incredibly aroused and overcome by the desire to have sex with any woman at all. It's overwhelming! What can you give me for it?"

"Hmm," replied the l...

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86 year old spinster

Old Spinster visit the doctor for the first time in years. During the check up the Doc need to examine her lungs. Puts a stethoscope under her blouse and tells her to say 99. Ninety-nine she says. Docs moves the stethoscope to her left breast and tells her to say 99. Ninety-nine she says. Right...

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Spinsters at a porn movie

Two spinsters had decided to see what all the fuss was about these new porno movies, so they decided to go see one. They sat down, preparing to be disgusted when a man sat down right next to one of them. The theater darkened, and the film started playing.

Ten minutes into the movie, the o...

Three spinsters went on safari...

and they came upon a huge gorilla. The gorilla grabs one of the women and runs off into the jungle. The other two patiently track the gorilla for three days, until they come to his lair. Ethel, the victim, is horribly bruised and scratched, without a stitch of clothing. Wilma and Blanche quickly...

My spinster aunt thinks that statues of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing.

...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.

A man collapses on the street and wakes up to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun holding a clipboard came into his room and said she was from the billing department and asked how he was going to pay the bill.

The man said, "I don't have health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He shook his head and replied, "I don't....

What do you call a dyslexic small town spinster who takes justice into her own hands?

A Village-Auntie

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A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She decided to put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED, must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants apply in person".

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay she opened the door to see a grey haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!" The old man smiled: "Therefor...

Hospital bill

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care ...

A guy walks into a small family drug store...

... to buy some condoms. The lady behind the counter asks what size he wants, and the guy gets uptight and blushes, and stammers that he never knew that they came in sizes, and he doesn't know what his size is.
The lady tells him not to worry, there's a big old hogshead wine barrel out back with...

A man goes to the drug store for some condoms.

There's a spinsterish middle aged lady behind the counter, and he's a bit embarrassed, but makes his request. The lady asks what size he wants, and he gets a bit more embarrassed, and tells her that he doesn't know that they come in sizes. The lady tells him it's ok , there's a fence out back with s...

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The Pharmacy

Two spinster sisters own a pharmacy. One night when they are in the back room busily filling prescriptions a man approaches the cash register area dressed in a trench coat. Unknown to the sisters he took too many Viagras and has had an erection for the last 6 hours. As one of the sisters approaches ...

A man was arrested for stealing cat hairs to make whoopee cushions.

This was a criminal offense in Florida. He was brought before a judge who was a notorious cat lover. The jury consisted of only elderly spinsters. The man's lawyer requested for a different judge and jury, but his request was rejected. The court found the man "extremely guilty and a possible dog lov...

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The Clitoris Licking Frog

A new exotic adults' toy shop opens in town and Joan, a middle-aged spinster decides to go and check out their wares in hopes to satisfy her usually unquenchable urges.
A poster in the shop window immediately catches Joan's eye. 'NEW Clitoris Licking Frog - Guaranteed satisfaction in minutes'. ...

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