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Banished Jokes

I used to be a member of the Secret Vegetable Association Cult. But i was banished last week

Because i spilled the beans

Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t the apple on the tree that got us banished from Paradise.

It was the pair on the ground!

The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants

How are wizards banished?

They're expelled.

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot arrive at the pearly gates...

...St. Peter says to them" Sorry, heaven is quite full, so we can only let one of you in."
Suddenly "Poof!" Lucifer appears.
Lucifer tells them "You may each ask me one question. If you are able to ask me a question that I cannot answer, you will be allowed into heaven; if not you will be sen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Priest Peter

A priest named Peter was a really great man to God. Always faithful and hard-working. One day, he died and went to the heaven's gates. Besides him was a really drunk bus driver (like, a really bad driver) who died the same day.



Since Peter was thinking that the bus driver may not get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Satan's Test

A rapist, thief, and murderer are standing in front of Satan as he sits on his throne.

"I've summoned you three here because I was feeling a bit kind today. I'll give each of you a chance to leave Hell. All you have to do is pass my test," Satan says. Of course, he designed his test such that...

Three blondes

Three blondes are driving down the street in a little car and get in an accident in which they all die. They awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven, with Saint Peter smiling sweetly. He welcomes them and announces "ladies, before me I have the book of life. In it, i can see you've done some...

Three nuns die in a car crash and go to heaven.

They’re greeted at the gates by St Peter, who says to them “I’m sorry ladies, but we’re getting very full these days, so you’ll need to answer a question about the bible each to get in.” The nuns agree and he asked the first one “How long have you been a nun?”.

“Only about six months.” She re...

A different game of thrones

Long ago a then famous reporter of the times traveled to a little known kingdom deep in the heart of Africa, accompanied by translators and bearers of course. It was not very technologically advanced, with no plumbing and clay and stray being the primary building materials.

Upon arrival he w...

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