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Palms Jokes

EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

WEB MD: Cancer.

I was told that if I fapped too often, that I’d grow hair on the palms of my hands.

That theory also explains why a lot of women get mustaches when they grow up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to see a palm reader today

He said "looking at your palms i can see you masturbate frequently".

"Sorry" i said "i probably should have wiped that off first ".

"Think before you jump," I said, my palms sweating. "It might not be the right decision..."

"You take bouncy castles too seriously," my son replied.

If palm oil comes from palms, and coconut oil comes from coconuts, where does baby oil come from?

North Korea

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

His palms are sweaty...

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already.

WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*

Yesterday I glued my palms to the kitchen floor

It's hands-down the best decision I've ever made

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Quarrantine, Day 12: Excessive teen masturbation has caused zero hair growth on palms. Next update unknown...

...as I will be unable to use Father Calhoun's laptop while he is being treated for sudden onset blindness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people have white on their palms?

There's a little bit of good in everybody.

I was wondering why I had pentagrams on my palms.

Then I remembered: I've been using hand satanizer.

Palm Sunday

A day that single men thank their palms for all the good work they did this past year...

Boys have a thing and girls don't.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

"What did you do today?" I asked.

She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls" she chirped.

Looki...

Bridge to Hawaii

One day, a man found a lamp in an old antique store and when he picked it up, **POOF** a genie popped out.
"I shall grant you anything you wish, but choose wisely, because I can only grant one." The genie said.
The man thought for a moment before saying, "I want a bridge from California to...

RIP Don Denkinger (for Royals and Cardinals fans)

Please put your hand over your heart for a moment of silence, and then extend both arms out to your sides, palms down.

The Palmist

A middle-aged man, divorced three times, finds himself at a village fair in a remote part of the country, and sees a sign "palms read - serious customers only". He goes into the tent and there's an old woman with a headscarf and massive hoop earrings and an eye patch. She asks for money and takes th...

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My sex life is like the Sahara desert.

It’s basically just intolerable heat, two palms, no dates and lots of emptiness.

(OC)

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

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DIARY of a POMMIE EXPAT in AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally...

So I was fingering this Gypsy girl while she was on here period...

I got my palms red for free!

Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclai...

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