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Nic Jokes

Alexa, tell me a joke

Alexa, tell me a joke. ...Alexa? Alexa?

Sorry, I wasn't listening. I thought you deserved some privacy.

Really? Well, that's nic-

Would you like to hear another joke?

I tried writing a remake of my favourite Nic Cage film but set in Ireland

After all, who wouldn't enjoy Con Aer Lingus

Nic Cage went through such a hassle to find a national treasure.

When all he had to do was look in a the mirror.

Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student

but he slacked off one semester.

When he got his report card, he shouted "Bs! Not the Bs!"

‌‌I wa‌‌s walkin‌‌g wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfrien‌‌d whe‌‌n ‌‌a rando‌‌m gu‌‌y whistle‌‌d a‌‌t he‌‌r an‌‌d sai‌‌d, "Nic‌‌e ass"‌‌. Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s clearl‌‌y annoye‌‌d an‌‌d demande‌‌d ‌‌I sa‌‌y something.

S‌‌o ‌‌I turne‌‌d aroun‌‌d an‌‌d said, "Than‌‌k yo‌‌u I'v‌‌e bee‌‌n doin‌‌g squats."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genie: You have two wishes left

Genie: You have two wishes left

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: And your final wish?

Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead

Penis:

Ms: Nics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I knew a man who poisoned his wife with a pair of scissors.

He gave her arsenic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call 2 guys having sex outside?

A Dick-nic

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you posion a woman with a razorblade?

Give her arse.a.nic

Police were called to the scene of a murder

A man escaped a mental hospital and stole some porcelain figurines. Later that night he snuck into a farmers field and used them to beat a cow to death with them.

It was the first documented case of a nic-nac patty wack

Donald Trump says he can "protect the Constitution"

Do people really think he can stop Nic Cage?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank...

...and walks up to the teller, Pat E. Black.

"I'd like to take out a loan"

Pat asks the frog, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small insignificant trinket. "This is all I have"

Pat laughs. "We can't take that."

Th...

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