A pedant goes to the doctor

Doctor says “you have fewer than 5 days to live”
The pedant replies, “actually in this case it would be ‘less’”
Doctor says “alright, 4 days then”

How many pedantic electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You need a gardener for that.

My girlfriend has just told me, she thinks we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.

I told her, "I think you mean fewer".

My wife and I have been arguing a lot because she thinks I’m too pedantic

So I’ve started drinking.

She told me, “Alcohol isn’t a solution.”

“Actually,” I replied “it’s excellent at dissolving many substances.”

Where does a pedant get their water?

From a well, actually.

I don't mean to be pedantic, but...

Does anyone actually have the 'Ghostbusters' number?

What's the difference between a pedant and a pendant?

One is generally hung from the ceiling and the other is a lighting fixture.

My wife is leaving me because I am pedantic

That means overly concerned with details and liking to show off one's knowledge

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.

Well, 46.8%.

If I had a penny for every time I was pedantic...

I'd have £564.72

My friend once told me "You must be the most pedantic person in the entire world."

"Third most, actually."

What do you call someone who misbehaves with feet?

Pedantic

I just did one of those "what noun are you" quizzes...

and I got "pedantic", which is an adjective.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is stopped by an officer controlling traffic...

The officer is conducting the control rather rudely and is pedantic about the state of the car and the man starts to get annoyed. When the officer finally hands back his papers, the man asks: "would I get into trouble for calling an officer an asshole motherfucker?". The officer makes an angry noise...

Did you hear that they changed the theme song when they found out the Pink Panther was a Redditor?

Now it goes pedant pedant....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to use definitely

One day in class, the teacher was teaching the kids the vocabulary word of the day.


"Ok class, the word for the day is definitely. Can anyone use it in a sentence?" she asked.


Straight A's Sally in the front row raises her hand and says, "The tree is definitely green."

<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's this lady who works in a bank...

... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.


One da...

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