UPJOKE

Lil Johnny Jokes

Lil Johnny's Sheep

Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.

"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.

The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lil Johnny speeding past a bridge.

(This was a take away joke)

Officer: Do you know you were doing 80 in a 65?
Johnny: No, I apologize, I was just rushing to work.
Officer: What makes your job so important that you need to put peoples lives at risk, speeding along the roadway?
Johnny: I'm a rectum stretcher.
Office...

Lil johnny

A salesman rang the door bell and little
Johnny answered.
The salesman asked if his father was at home.
Johnny said, "Yes." The salesman said,
"Well, can I see him please?" Johnny snickered and said, "No, he is in the shower."
Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There lil Johnny sat in the back of class...

as the teacher announced that "Today, if the students could name the famous Americans who said these famous quotes, they could go home early."

Excited, the whole class perked up.

"First one." Mr. Jones said. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Every student's hand was up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lil Johnny & the Bet

Lil Johnny’s teacher had been warned never to make a bet with him unless she was absolutely sure she would win.

One day Lil John came up to her and bet $50 that he could guess the color of her panties. The teacher thought for a moment and then said, “sure, come see me after class and we will...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lil Johnny was is sex education class...

For most classes, he said in back but in sex education class lil Johnny always sat right in front. One particular day the teacher's homework assignment was that each student should go home and think of all of the different positions there are in which people can have sexual intercorse. When they ret...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lil Johnny..

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunda...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you want to be when you grow up? Featuring Lil Johnny

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lil Johnny in Class

The teacher begins the new week by deciding to go around the room and ask each student to cover her a word that starts with a designated letter. She asks for a volunteer for the letter A and Lil Johnny is the first to shoot his hand up.

The teacher thinks, "Johnny always has the most perver...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lil Johnny is sitting in biology class.

The teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, "Lil Johnny" replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was pl...

Family Prayer

Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table. Lil Johnny's dad tells him to say the dinner prayer.

Little Johnny says, "Dear God, Thank you for the food we are about to eat, and please, oh please God, send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dad’s computer. Amen!"

Little Johnny and his dad...

Little Johnny was having a problem with his homework.
"Dad" he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"’
"Well, son",’ said his father, ‘"I'll give you a practical demonstration".’
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number on speaker volume.
"Hello",’ sai...

Son: Mom you are such a liar!

Mom: What?
Son: You told me that lil Johnny is an Angel.
Mom: He sure is.
Son: Then how come he didn’t fly when I threw him out of the window...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy the Peanut

One day lil Johnny comes running into the kitchen from playing outside and he's screams out "Mommy! Mommy! Billy's penis is like a peanut!"

The Mother is a bit flustered and startled at the comment but quickly regains her composure and says "Oh that's ok Johnny, you're both little boys, you'l...

NSFW - Little Johnny

walks into Mom and Dad's bedroom, Mom is on top with her back to the door. Dad looks over at Johnny, smiles and gives him a big thumbs up.
Johnny gets a shocked look on his face and runs away. Mom and Dad finish up and Dad thinks he better go and talk to lil Johnny.
Looks all over the house...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.