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Septic Jokes

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What do a therapist and a septic engineer have in common?

They both get paid to deal with your shit.

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Quit my job as a septic cleaner

I'm done taking shit from people

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What the difference between a septic tank and twitter.

One is a tank full of crap, the other is tanking because of the crap.

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What do the priest and the septic tank pumper agree on?

One day you'll pay for the shit you've done.

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Septic Tanks

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest th...

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My friend’s septic tank backed up

I guess all that shit finally caught up with him.

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

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Anyone hear about the guy who drowned in a septic tank?

He was in some deep shit.

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Two septic tanks are having a chat.

One says to the other, "You know, there's a whole world up there we can't see, with trees, clouds and sky, people and animals..."

The other one looks at him from the corner of his eye and replies, "Shut up! You're full of shit!"

My buddy was feeling sad and jumped into the septic tank.

He’s down in the dumps.

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You are a lot like a septic tank.

Full of shit and should be buried underground.

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My work in septic removal does pay well...

... but it's still a shit job.



I'll show myself to the door now >.>

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I'm tired of my wife complaining about the clogged septic system...

She keeps bringing that shit up.

Did you hear Poland bought 5,000 septic tanks?

As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they'll invade Germany.

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In order to tell when I have to get it drained, I have a pole that I dip into my septic tank.

(Shitpost)

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I don't trust septic tanks

They're full of shit

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People like to bury valuables in their back yard. But I'm smart.

I always hide the best shit in my septic tank.

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Dr. Watson is performing an autopsy. Holmes ask if he’s found the cause of death.

Watson: It would appear the decedent had a bowel obstruction. It caused a rupture in the intestinal wall, creating a septic condition and ultimately, death.

Holmes: Wait, John, are you saying he died of...

Watson: No Shit, Sherlock.

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When I was little, we were so poor that Dad had to bust a hole in the septic tank just so we could slip and slide.

It was a shitty slip and slide.

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People need to stop telling blonde jokes!!!

The blondes are really pissed off and have bought thousands of septic tanks. As soon as they figure out how to drive them, they are going to attack us!

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I hope this joke isn’t as bad as I’d think it is... it’s my first one.

Hey did you hear about Jim?

No, Why?

I heard his septic burst.

Oh I see...

Yea man must have been a pretty crappy thing to happen...

Plumber Miscommunication

One day, a family started hearing loud talking coming from underneath the ground in their backyard. They figured maybe the plumber who did some work yesterday left a radio down there.

They sat and listened to the talking, then realized it was mostly about climate change and UFO’s.

They...

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If 2019 was shit

Then 2020 would be a septic tank filled with Amy Schumer Jokes.

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A professional singer was contacted by a priest who asked if she would sing at the funeral of a homeless man with no family, who had recently passed away.

Moved with compassion, the singer agreed. The priest informed her that, since he had no relatives or money, the man would be buried in a paupers grave in the countryside, and informed the singer she would have to drive herself. On the day of the funeral, the singer set out in her car following the d...

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A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole.

A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole full of sewage.

He starts cursing and storms out of the outhouse.

His buddy looks at him and asks “what’s wrong? What happened??”

“Well I was in there taking a dump and ...

New doctor is being mentored by old doctor...

...as they make rounds visiting patients, new doctor reads the chart of one of the patients and turns really sad.

Old doc: "what's the matter?"

New doc: "Well, this young patient is about to have his leg amputated and I have no idea how to break these terrible news to him."

Old...

I was asked to play guitar and sing for a homeless man's funeral...

The service was going to be held out in the middle of nowhere, and when I was on the way my gps got me lost. When I finally found the cemetery, it was too late, the cemetery workers were already digging the hole. I decided to sing my heart out to this homeless guy, after all he probably had no famil...

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Smart Ass!

"SMART ASS"
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well, needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. ...

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be...

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